NOSTALGIC MOMENTS

Finished reading Khaled Hosseini's "the kite runner"...its a beautiful book...
spent all of last night reading it and to my surprise juss couldent stop the tears streaming from my eyes...i dont even know whether it was only something about the book ...i mean agreed tht its a very emotional and touching read but then again im not a very emotional person and it really takes a lot for me to cry...
I cry only when it hurts real bad...only when something really pulls at my heart strings and refuses to let go cutting through it deeper and deeper...and thats the reason i cry uncontrollably going out of breath whenever tht happens, often scaring my family by not being able to stop even when i want to...(one thing wch has always managed to scare my mom and believe me it has never been deliberate...she got convinced i dont know how to cry when i almost stopped breathing one sucha dreadful episode (a long time back) between angry sobs becoming as pale as a ghost and tried as much,even both my mom and me couldent get myself together and it was almost declared a medical emergency) ...Much to my moms irritation,i often joke that tht my control system dosent have any "tuning buttons" and hence can blow off the whole machine if turned the wrong way.lol!! I even tried to blackmail her a coupla times after tht episode back then but my mom seems to be the smartest mom around and i guess its not easy to fake something like tht when u havent got a single tear in those mischievous eyes...:-/ and frankly speaking, i myself was too afraid to ever experience tht kinda episode again...besides the fact tht i can never fake a crying scene thanks to wch i was never able to participate in "romantic tragedies" staged during my school years...hmpf!!
Im the kind who has seen a lot happening around me...and have personally been through a lot too wch has kinda made me a strong person or so i'd like to believe...
Not really believing every word u say, not convinced by what she hears and sometimes surprising u by reading what u dont want her to read, there are many who have accused me of misunderstanding them and an equal many who would like to stay a safe distance juss because they fear me understanding them too well...
Like most people ive learnt it the hard way and it has lead to my share of losses too...but at the end of it all, i guess ive emerged as a stronger person and now i wouldent trade it for anything in the world...
People have also accused me of harbouring trust issues which are only evident when one gets to know me rather well...but then cliched as it may sound, i sincerely feel, not being able to trust someone is far far better than having it broken by someone u trusted so much...some might just call me unfortunate and a few close friends have almost gone on the verge of frustration convincing me to snap out of what they feel is this so called "sad" attitude ive adopted...but i believe at the end of the day, its u who matter...and if ur happy living like this then go ahead...
i think im rather happy...
But then no matter how strong i might sound ,i sometimes doubt if there is still some soft spot in tht small lil heart of mine which isnt as frozen as the rest of it...and it scares me that at times a small flickering candle might be enough to melt it...
Memories from the past, back stabs from friends, misunderstandings i know wch will never clear, some words never spoken do fill my heart with regret ...but i dont remember them bringing tears in these empty lookin eyes unless it has hurt me from deep within and i can no longer bear it...
Once upon a time pri was the kind of person who would weep her heart out during "yash johar" flicks or even favourite songs,have tears in her eyes while listenin to someones problems and failed relationships,think till her head hurted about ruined friendships and backstabs from trusted ones...
But dunno how and when...something changed...now she is someone who juss feels a little regret at broken friendships and then decides tht it was never strong enough to last,someone who has learnt to laugh at the corny acting and cliched dialogues in those "ohh soo romantic" kjo movies,who listens to all her friends "i dont know if he/she really cares" woes and wails often trying to help by being their agony aunt and personal shrink till 5 minutes later she gets kicked off from tht position (hmpf!!) because "she will never understand" *rolls her eyes*,who kinda isnt surprised when a so called "close one" stabs her , who has mastered the art of pulling the knife out of her...bandaging the wound herself...wearing her overcoat and walking out, a lil wiser each time...
and then there are times like last night, when she continues to read with misty eyes doubting whether there really has been a transformation???...
and she curses "tht small lil corner" which is still not frozen yet... afterall..