high on life...hic hic!!

Scene at a friends party...apparently this was one party i dint know many at...u know the boring kinds wch u go to even at the risk of seeming alien...just because the host persuades u and u dont want to break her heart...
no?? u dint get the picture?? ok...how about this?--the kind where u can afford to act mean and nasty because apparently nobody will remember ...
OKK! i see u got the picture now u heartless creatures!!

common friend (she): meeting her for the first time u dont drink??? with a shocked expression

me: 'ohh i do..im very concerned about the fluid:mass equilibrium in my body system' showing her my glass of fruit punch and grinning

she: awww thats just fruit punch...err...i mean hard drinks pointing to the vodka in her hand

me: 'ohhh okk'allowing her to feel tht i hadent got it earlier..'no i dont'

she: 'whaaattttt??? i dont believe u...'

me: 'uh huh?..well u got to...please please...i'll never be able to forgive myself and die wallowing in self pity tht thou dosent believe me..i beg thee to believe me'
she was a lil taken aback..though i think she was too drunk to realise the pun
'K'(my friend and the host of the party) was too busy holding her stomach and laughing ...and i couldent help roll my eyes...apparently i wasent in the best of moods and was trying to get away from the conversation lest i sounded rude (wch i was afraid i already did)...

she: 'no i mean really...dont tell me u still belong to the ol orthodox school'

me:'now now...its true i did my schooling in a convent but dont u dare call it orthodox' i could joke all i want and be as cynical as i would like to be because she wouldent remember anything in the morning and i was hell sure of tht...heehee

she: 'i mean...'

me:'lol..i know wht u mean..and no, its not about being orthodox...its juss out of choice...some ppl enjoy drinking ...some feel they r already 'high' enough and dont need it'
i could see 'K' grinning from a distance...and enjoying every bit of the conversation with no plans to come to my rescue...i was dying out of boredom talking to this lady here and my good conversation skills dint even matter cos she was so drunk tht she could conk off on the sofa any minute and i would definitely not catch her...:-/ .
me was waiting with bated breath for some 'drama' there...
but she went on bantering for the next 45 minutes finding noone around but me...she told me how everything seemed right after a few drinks ...and how it was needed to forget and come to terms with the tragedy called life...i swore to myself tht if he sent someone to save me from this torture, i would never crib about life ...but nope! i had to suffer for the times i cursed 'life' with all u fellow bloggers...and so there i was suffering in silence listening to this madwoman who either was hired by my jealous enemies to get me start drinking (ok this is whr i start getting delusional) or had taken up the challenge feeling sorry about my so called 'booze untouched' sad personal life...hmpf!
sigh! i was almost afraid tht i would give in if she insisted too much and return home drunk after having her talk me into it (at the rate she was cribbing)...
apparently two of us were not having a great day here! :-/
and then heaven took pity and my prayers were answered...
SHE PASSED OUT! :D
finally some drama...let the party begin!! yippeee!

the mask...

believing only what we want to believe,
at times gazing outside the box too much,
either way, its but a loss suffered,
as we fail to see the 'real' picture as such...

basking in the bliss of ignorance,
disposing every told judgement away,
often we like living in a farytale,
while the heart tries to search the hidden shade of grey.

slowly engulfing us, our dreams continue,
we often ignore the 'black' and 'white'...
so busy in searching the expected 'grey',
we tend to miss whats lucid in sight...

its too late when we realise we've been succumbing,
to the dirty tricks played by our own 'heart' and 'mind'
searching high and low in all the wrong places,
for something which dosent exist,yet we hope to find...

and then it strikes us, the game they played,
we played too but werent taught the rules,
nobody told us it could be all a farce,
nobody said if we'd believe it,we'd lose...

but finally enlightenment dawns,
and we realise it isnt that easy a task...

and slowly but surely as the curtains draw,
we recognise the face behind the mask!!

Tujhse Naraaz Nahi...

26th november 07 : 9.15am
last night was all about 5 mugs of coffee, 6 cereal bars and staying awake the whole damn time reading old diaries...
today morning is all about migraines,sudden blackouts and trying to get over the hangover...
guess il'l just sleep all of today away...
feeling wasted ...and im not even drunk!sigh!!

UPDATE:---when i heard this song initially,i thought it was juss a lot of 'jingbang'...but after hearing it a coupla times more, fell in love with the lyrics :)...
its from the 'yet to be released' movie "khoya khoya chand"...enjoy!!

Khoya Khoya Chand-...

just a phase---me playing 'miss know all'!!

during a conversation on phone:
L:'u know pri, sometimes u really surprise me...'
ME: 'i know...'

at the coffee shop:
A:'u know,sometimes u might be having everything u ever wished for just a step away and u dont realise it...'
ME: 'i know...'


before every failed cookbook recipe, the scene in the kitchen:
MY PARTNER IN CRIME (usually my cuz or friend):'this dosent seem right...u sure u adding the right things?i hope u know what to do next'
ME: in a overconfident tone 'YES , I KNOW!...'

after every failed recipe, the scene at the table:
DAD: staring at the concoction cooked rather reluctantly, while mom is still in shock over the mess in the kitchen 'i think we'll better eat out today...'
ME: with an embarrased look 'i know...'
MOM:'this is the very reason why i keep warning her not to experiment with exotic recipes...why cant she stick to the plain day to day meal...but no! noone ever listens to me...normal food is boring she says...yada yada yada' :-/

after every small success be it in the kitchen or as a doctor at the hospital:
THE SAME MOM: 'my darling...shes good in whatever she does..and always ready to improve..im soo proud of her'am smothered with hugs
ME: 'sigh! yeah mom ..i know' :D

excerpt from a chat window:
STRANGER: 'its been almost a year since we are speaking and all i know is tht its not thaat easy to understand u...'
ME: 'i know...:)'

after a huge arguement with my mom:
MOM:'i really dont know what uve planned to do with your life...'
ME:'err..i think i know...'

conversation with a fellow blogger after reading one of my posts
FELLOW BLOGGER: 'ur crazy pri...u know tht?? really crazy..sigh!'
ME: 'i know...'

text message from a friend who keeps thinkin im GOD and can predict things about her life juss because a few of my assumtions have come true...sigh! :-/
'hey pri...what would i do with u??u r the BESTESTTT :D...muaaahhhh!'
ME (in reply to the text msg): 'i know...heehee'

after burning a hole in a new dress while ironing it:
SIS: 'how could u juss forget like tht? u are sucha nut!'
ME: 'i knowwww :(:( ...'

after almost every decision frankly put forth to family:
DAD: 'i hope u know what u r doing...'
ME: in a 'not so very confident' tone 'i know...'
MOM(angry and irritatedat urs truly): 'RIGHT! dosent she always?'


just before putting up this post:
INNER VOICE: 'do u know how stupid this post sounds (reads)??'
ME: i knoww
(but im posting it here anyways..hmpf!)


I ALWAYS SEEM TO 'KNOW' BUT EVERYTIME I SAY THAT, A PART OF ME CANT HELP START DOUBTING IF I REALLY DO...
I THINK I NEED HELP!! :(

knock knock!!...anyone up there??

This scribble was inspired by a sight seen along the roadside on diwali day...i dint have the heart to post it up thn, thinkin it might ruin some cheerful moods...but saw it in my drafts today and it got me pondering again...

The world is enjoying so it seems...
everything seems happy and bright...
but in a dark corner i hear...
silent sobs piercing the night...

as i go near,the face looks up...
and i see a pair of eyes forlorn,
gazing into empty space,
i stare hard and my smile is gone...

dazzling lights and glittering skies,
every nook and corner adorned one can find,
i flinch as i realise this happy sight,
is missed by this little boy who's blind...

i watch silently as his mom hushes him down,
his angry tears stop streaming in a while...
but i cant help wishing this festivity here,
on his innocent face would play a smile...

and yet again i question ur injustice,
yes u up there who's known to be just and kind...
what pleasure thy derives from such cheap tricks,
thou makes me wonder whats really on ur mind...

someones crying for a little happiness,
someone begging to take away the pain,
someone sporting fake smiles for the world to see,
someone trying to keep playing 'sane'...

each one has got their own set of problems,
and each a different breaking point to bear...
its hell tough to gauge who's suffering more,
but maybe its easy, looking up from above there...

u supposed to be the almighty,
the one we rely on through thick and thin,
the one who knows and watches all of us through it,
the one who counts each blessing n forgives every sin...

but ur ways always seem to confound me,
to a point from whr i can only gape...
your plans never cease to amaze me,
and sometimes i really see no pattern taking shape..

yet somethings are just accepted,
and maybe whats in store for us is just one of those,
but dont u think its time u got into action,
and just stopped seeing right through our woes...


regards,

your angry believer...

and i learnt along the way...

When i was 5,i met my first 'best friend'...
and thts whn i learnt that there are people other than family who i love to spend my time with.


when i was 7, my mom refused to buy me a doll wch i liked at first sight...
thats when i learnt that i was not supposed to expect everything i liked to be mine.

when i was 8, i participated in an elocution competition for the first time...
thats when i learnt i was great at speaking in public.

when i was 9, i went without preparing for an "on the spot" speech...
thats when i learnt tht overconfidence can make u look like an ass ...sigh!!

when i was 10,i fell off my cycle while on the way home...
thts when i learnt tht i ought to keep my eyes open to avoid getting hurt.

when i turned 12,i had my first crush on a tv actor and went about telling everyone tht i was in love...
thats when i learnt tht it hurts bad to have ur dreams laughed at and that some things are better kept a secret.

when i was 14,i stood 2nd in class for the first time and cried my heart out for not making it to the top...
thats when i learnt tht one cant make it to the top all the time cos there is only room for one there.

when i was 15,i saw my name in print for the first time for having achieved a merit rank in my board exams...
thats when i learnt tht hard work and dedication does pay off eventually.

When i was 16, i had a huge crush on a fellow batchmate...who i later found out was on drugs and scored a duck in physics (obviously the crush came crashing down)...
thats when i learnt tht sometimes our heart plays stupid tricks making us see a 'frog' as a 'prince' while the rest of the world still sees him as the former.

When i was 18, i made it into medical school...
thats when i learnt tht whn u want something real bad, god makes sure u get it.

when i was 20,i started my first blog...
thats when i learnt tht i can vent out my feelings a lot better when i go as 'anonymous'.

when i was 22,i started disclosing my identity as a blogger to my friends...
thats when i learnt tht people who love me would still love me for what i am ...despite of what i am.

when i was 23,i realised a lot of things wch i was aware of but had forgotten over the years...
thats when i learnt that life is not a fairytale and that things u learn at 18 are not always true.

im 24 now and still learning...:)

They say 'Life is a lesson...u learn it only when u are through...'
I say 'absolutely!!'

"THE FAMOUS FIVE" TAG! :)

well enough of procrastination...its high time i took up the tag passed on to me by mads...(next in line is ashu's tag but il'l save it for another day)
so here i go...

its quite simple really...as per the tag,i got to allow u a small lil peek in my room, my bag, and my wallet...
in a way, this tag is pretty personal...hmmmmmm...

---5 THINGS FOUND IN MY ROOM:
1)my bed--wch is amost always cluttered with books, mags, pillows strewn about.
2)my cell charger---one of the most essential things in my life.knowing tht i am incapacitated without my cell, i make sure its always around and in reach...
3)my closet wch is a mess right now and almost always is thanks to my undecisive sense of clothing...i take ages to decide what to wear for formal occasions and when i finally decide on something , the rest of my 'try-on's' get rolled up and dumped in one corner of my closet till...err...the next time im in a state of 'decision crisis'..heehee
so if somebody tries opening my closet, u better know how to survive the avalanche of clothes following...:p
4)a secret drawer chest (man! dont i sound 'film celebrity'ish now...*grin*)...well the topmost drawer is under lock and key and has all my personal diaries in there...some of wch i havent opened up in ages now...yess i do maintain a diary too apart from blog (though im sure most of u out there must be wondering what else i have to put in there considerin theres so much saved up on here already)..hmmm SURPRISE SURPRISE!!:D
5)and one of my favs---a balcony view facing the main street where i sometimes stand and watch the hustle bustle of daily city life ...and block out all thought processes as i watch busy vehicles race by...
and also from where this 'juliet' has spent her time staring at the star filled skies..lost in the peace and tranquility of the moment... the cold breeze brushing past her...the tiny rain drops falling on her face...transforming her into a die-hard romantic as she seems to get lost in the soft music playing in her mind and is inspired to pen down a random scribble...:)

---5 THINGS IN MY BAG
1)my stethoscope
2)a face wash (especially in summers)
3)a pen wch is usually not working (sigh!) and a writing pad...
4)my cell phone
5)my 'hospital white coat' which i always plan to leave in my locker but somehow have never managed to till date...

err...pretty boring things i know...*grin*..but im a pretty boring person u see *winks*

---5 THINGS IN MY WALLET
1)my id card (incase im lost and suffer from selective amnesia...sigh!)
2)a small pocket sized photograph (jus in case my fans mob me and want an autographed pic)
3)cash (just about enough to buy me lunch)
4)a credit card (incase i suddenly decide to run away from home) :-/
5)used to have a keychain with a 'ganeshji ki murti' to it...but then ppl around started 'oohhing' and 'aahing' and 'chochweeting' it that my overpossesiveness led me getting upset everytime anyone touched it...:-/
so i decided to leave it behind at home till i learnt to deal with my ultrapossesiveness for ganpatiji...sigh!
now i just have one keychain(for my house key) wch was gifted by a friend and has 'pri' engraved on it...:)

there! tag completed...mission accomplished!! :)
now to tag 5 'star bloggers'...
so the chosen 5 will be *opens the envelope while the audience holds their breath in suspense*
---ceedy
---CM-chap
---cosmic joy
---compassion unlimited
---blogboy

---abhishek bacchan (oops khanna)*grin* on special request..[now dude, u better complete it...:-/]

and ofcourse anyone who has found this tag even remotely interesting and wants to take it up are welcome to do so...

take care folks!
enjoy!!:)

the only thing i hated about OSO!!

A famous line wch was constantly repeated in the 'blockbuster diwali dhamaka' OM SHANTI OM----
"in the end, everything turns out alright...and if it hasent, thn it simply means its not the end!

@#@^&&$%#@!!!
i wonder how many of us actually fall for tht typical 'bollywood' assurance every time we hear it...
Thanks to our candyfloss cheesy cinema lines,the aunty next to me sniffled everytime kiran kher said tht and a couple of juvenile teenagers awed in agreement with SRK...
I swear if i die before everything turns out right in my messed up life,il'l make sure my sorry spirit comes back to haunt 'farah khan' forever...and also that the people who delude us into believing this fairytale crap are sued for evoking false hope...hmpf!!

yes! i wont even wait 30 long years to be reincarnated and seek revenge...!!:-/

THE MOVIE WAS A GOOD ENTERTAINER BUT PLEASE DONT TAKE IT SERIOUSLY...FAIRYTALE ENDINGS ARE ONLY MEANT FOR 'FAIRYTALES' :(
BE OPTIMISTIC BUT NOT SO MUCH THAT IT WRECKS YOUR LIFE IF PROVED OTHERWISE...

kyonki asli life mein, ul'l never know when and whr the picture ends (as opposed to the 'kyonki picture abhi khatam nahi hui' threat they kept giving us in the movie...wch they kept insisting was related not to the flick but to the 'big picture' aka life...sigh!.well i just thought it might be farah's insecurity telling the audience not to get pissed and walk off thinking tht the movie has ended *grin*... )
Anyways go watch it for the amazing songs and bring out the child in u (for a while) who, somewhere deep down keeps gettin tempted into believing in fairytales...:)and heyy take 'paulo coelho' along if u can...he'd be happy.(watch it to know why *grin*)

TAKE CARE FOLKS!
OM SHANTI OM!!

'NOVEMBER RAIN'

Well the title to this post would definitely remind u of the song by "guns and roses"...but hang on right there...u can listen to it later :D
well,surprising as it may seem it actually has been raining here for the last coupla days...for further explanations on this out-of-season bizarre episode, please consult the almighty 'eternal weatherman' sitting up there *pointing to the sky*(cos he would be able to explain best as he has all the controls :-/ )instead of coming up with weird illogical interpretations of ur own..ive heard a lot of those ol wives tales, trust me and once upon a naive time even believed them to be true..sigh!
Somehow this time around, the rains dint manage to bring as many smiles as it usually does...it was thundering, lightening and raining like there was no tomorrow...
people were too surprised to react...and with it raining cats and dogs juss one day prior to diwali, noone was really amused...
I dint dare to utter a word in favour of the rains this time coz i was kinda scared would be kicked out of home, with mom highly irritated because her diwali preps were held up...thanks to the weather, the lights were flickering, the lamps wouldent stay lit for a long time, and the "akash kandils" (diwali lanterns)were getting soaked...i tried to pass some witty remarks to change the mood and all i got was an angry stare...so i knew my sense of humour wouldent be appreciated this diwali...:-/
With nothing left to do and understanding tht offering to help would juss invite some more angry looks, i went to my room to appreciate the forces of nature...
They say this funny thing about rains ...it always manages to sweep you back in time...the strong wind blowing outside always seems to flip those pages of the book called "life" wayy back to a chapter u had almost forgotten...sometimes leaving u with a smile on your face and at other times a tear in your eye...
And then they also say tht "nostalgia" is at its best when its raining...i wonder why...i do agree...but then i dont think i need to depend on the rains for tht...hell i can be nostalgic even on a bright sunny day and i dont think anyone could sue me for it...but then again, guess thats just me...:-/
Well jokes aside,the rains did get me a little misty eyed...but then again, wouldent think its fair to blame it on the weather...maybe it was just me --being my crazy self again...
somehow this 'november rain' made me miss a whole lot of things...
---the company of friends at the hostel where we were forced to stay during diwali during 2rd year because we had exams coming (much to our frustration)...i remember trying to celebrate in our own lil way by taking time and making a small paper lantern in between study hours, lighting lamps in our room balcony,eating chocolates at 12am diwali night and knocking on senior/junior's room doors disturbing them and wishing everyone around justifying not being prepared for the viva in the morning by tht "cmon yaar, it was diwali" and subtly reminding the proff before the viva by wishing him "a very very very happy diwali :p...heehee
---the interns duty room of the orthopaedics ward, where i celebrated my last diwali in college(as an intern) fretting and fuming because i had to be on call on diwali eve...but then the nurses and ward boys did a more than fine job of cheering everyone up with all the handmade decorations and akash-kandils and lighting up the ward and stuff...and another good part was , almost all the patients wanted to be discharged for diwali reducing the workload and making the 'rounds' go a lot quicker..some even isisted on DAMA (discharge against medical advice) and so the ward had only about 9-10 patients and everyone was in a very good mood...believe me even the patients were coming up with suggestions how to pep up the diwali celebs...
I remembered wishing that i would be home to celebrate diwali but when i was greeted by each and every patient on rounds at 12am, i realised i wouldent have wanted to miss this for anything...:).tht was a perfect diwali!sigh...and now tht i was at home, i realised i was missing it...
---the times i used to make the 'akash kandil' with my own hands by using wheat flour paste as glue and crepe paper and silver foils...we used to make it right from scratch...mom used to help di and me make the 'kandil' skeleton and every diwali we looked forward to making it...now tht joy and enthusiasm is replaced by the lack of energy to make one and just go to the market and pick up a ready-made piece...and the only fun in the game is the bargaining bit which also gets boring if the guy selling it is a loser and quits easily with a exasperated "accha madamji jo dena hain dijiye...chahe toh free mein le jaiye" :-/ (it was only when i was all ready to walk off with the lantern, feeling very happy about it, tht i realised he was jus being sarcastic and not serious... such killjoys i tell u...hmpf!!)
---missed the times i used to be online on YM (yahoo messenger) almost 24/7...or atleast appeared to be online even though not around,well maintaining my status as a net addict...and then one fine day, i juss forgot my password (dont even ask how...can u believe it..i juss plain forgot...poof! erased from my memory and inspite of various attempts to retrieve it, i couldent..sob!)and since then,i never got about making another YM account...it jus dint matter somehow...call it fading of enthusiasm or a feeling of frustration over the loss of the friends in my contact list and a sense of lethargy to add them all again or maybe juss a comfortable freedom from the claustrophobia i sometimes suffer from unwanted intrusion by ppl i feel i dont want any interference from...but then , there are times like these when i miss it all...the attention, the friendly bantering and the 'keeping in touch'...
sigh! sometimes i think i dont even know what i really want...
---the rains outside also made me miss all those rainy days when 'pri' used to be lost in plesant thoughts, dreaming away to glory, thinking of the future and revelling in the past...and then she grew up...
im aware tht the rains dont have that effect on me anymore ...:)

Besides, there were things which i cant put a finger on, but which these november rains definitely brought back along with them...
pages of a diary flipped open,days gone by, laughs shared, smiles exchanged, tears shed, greetings pushed away, blogs opened and closed down...
some words can never be erased...the same with some memories...
Was it just the rains??... i dunno...:-/

The rains stopped...the preparations continued...everyone was happy once again...
the festivity went on...lights...lanterns...celebrations..all around...
But to me, all that mattered was the 'cold november rain' ...

WELCOME DIWALI 07...:)

Happy Diwali (Remi...

HERE'S WISHING ALL YOU PEOPLE A VERY VERY HAPPY DEEPAVALI...
MAY THIS FESTIVAL OF LIGHTS LIGHT UP YOUR LIVES WITH HOPE, LOVE AND HAPPINESS TODAY AND ALWAYS...:)

where's ur "curry and rice" gurl???

Simply love this video..its HOWLARIOUS!! :D
especially dedicated to all u guys out there who are searching for ur "curry and rice" girl ...heehee
here's wishing u the very best!!

ENJOY!!!