After the first few spicy lines, it went ahead to say that shahid was trying too hard to change kareena as a person making her eventually feel she was losing her identity...
it further pointed out some ocassions in which the hot and sizzling bebo was persuaded to tag along for some 'pravachans and satsangs' (religious preachings)which she found utterly boring but agreed to go to just to save their relationship...hmmmmmm..
they say shahid even tried persuading her into becoming a vegetarian....all these attempts ultimately led to frustration and kareena realised she was a happier person without it and so eventually split ways...
After having devoured every word of the juicy article, urs truly put on her 'pensive mood thinking cap' once again and got lost in thinking mode...
how much change can one tolerate to save a relationship??
ive heard a lot of my friends going 'ive changed soo much as a person...blah blah' minutes after announcing their committed status and have heard a few of those same friends going 'i changed soo much for him/her and yet....sob sob...boohoo'
now im confused...i always thought that love isnt about changing urself or trying to change ur significant other...
that love is 'when u accept the person as he/she is even though u dont agree with some things'...
that love is 'going strong inspite of all the differences (which obviously dont matter or can be sorted out)because u respect the others views/opinions'...
I strongly feel that love does make u want to be a better person...it makes u want to be perfect...because ur happy and u want the person u love to be happier than anyone else in the world...because YOU feel that 'ur special one' deserves it...and no! he/she dosent have to tell u that :-/
u want to improve because u think thatll make a happier couple...
not because he/she constantly cribs about u being silly, stupid or careless...
not because he/she starts comparing u with someone---in this case,that simply means that he/she wants a different you...
and that is not love...its more of an 'attempted compatibility' isnt it??
Love is not about loving the person by making him/her change according to what u want to see...its more of loving the person for what he/she already is...
yaa i agree that we all want to improve or see our loved one's improve...but that dosent mean we stop loving them if they cant...because we gotta realise when in love,everyone tends to give it their best shot...:)
reminds me of a dialogue i had heard in some movie "Koi pyaar kare to tumse kare,Tum jaise ho vaise kare,Koi tumhe badal ke pyaar kare, To vo pyaar nahi vo sauda kare,Aur sahiba pyaar mein sauda nahi hota." (if someone loves u, then he should love u for who u are...if he wants you to change yourself, then its not love but a deal..and in love there are no deals)
This got me thinking how many times do we actually put ourselves in the backseat and do something just to make the person we love, happy??
Some 'gyaan' my friends offered on this topic after labelling me again as 'a dreamer of an utopian world',was that every relationship requires some amount of compromise from both partners to keep it going...
but i say 'why the word compromise?'...when in love, there shouldent be any compromise felt because even if there is, u refuse to see it as one...
it no longer matters because when u know that the person u love is happy, thats all u want and care about...
and if it does matter, then watch out!! either things are going a bit too fast or maybe your heart is just in that indecisive phase...
so its better to stop and let it think a while than end up being claustrophobic in a wrong relationship...:)
As for kareena and shahid,wonder who is to blame?? who is more at fault?...
kareena--who walked out on shahid because she apparently must have compared him to saif who seemed a better option?
or shahid who has said to have tried too hard to mould kareena into the person he wanted her to be,without bothering about her individuality??
and then again was it even 'love' in the first place?? ...no comments!! :-/
38 comments:
NO one to blame Pri...
If you truely love a person then you should accept positives as well as negatives and yes individuality is necessary in any relationship and one should be ready to accept it...
Ah.... how i wish love was science...
there would be some perfect explainations to a lot of things...
But its an art... open to judgement, open to interpretations and perceptions and conditional judgements, conditional interpretations and conditional perceptions...
which are situational... phew !!!
How i wish it was science :)
My thoughts the same..
Understanding the meaning of "understanding" in a relationship is vital :)
Good one hons :)
No...ya..no one is to blame.
And on top of it...when you're in love, you actually wanna do as the other would love to see you doing...isnt it ???
But haan, if you love somebody you should never pressurise hi/her to do your thaang !!
It'll be a lot more fun if you guys teamed and did a together thang !!
Basically, its imperative that both of you really understand each other.
Ek doosre ki khushi ke liye compromise jo larte hai, kya woh badalna nahi hua ek tarah ka?
Love means 'adjusting' as well. Not 'blaming'.
Keshi.
"Koi pyaar kare to tumse kare,Tum jaise ho vaise kare,Koi tumhe badal ke pyaar kare, To vo pyaar nahi vo sauda kare,Aur sahiba pyaar mein sauda nahi hota."
my all time fav dialogue
@ blogboy
spot on blogboy! :)
but then dont u think both are equally at fault ??(referring to the kareena -shahid scenario)..because in a way both expected something from the other and tried to mould each accordingly not bothering about what the other felt about it??
@ -om-
well it might have made sense then...
but then people would stop listening to their hearts like they do when in love :)
so would u still want it to be a science??
imagine exchanging 'paper brains' or greetings with the 'human cerebrum' drawn on them for valentines day ;P...
@ veens
absolutely dear...
'understanding' is the key word :)
@ cindrella
why do i get the feeling u missed a point here or havent read the whole post?? :)
i agree to what u say, but like i mentioned earlier in the post...when ur in love, it dosent feel like a compromise (even if it is) because it makes u happy that ur loved one is happy...
but then again, if ur significant other expects u certain changes when u rnt really comfortable with it and dosent understand that, then maybe u need to think a little...
u ought to live and love happy :)
take care!!
@ keshi
i agree..but love to me means adjusting as well but without really feeling that u are...:)
@ abhishek khanna
yaa its one of my favs too :)..but wish kim sharma hadent narrated it in sucha lousy manner in 'mohabbatein' (pseudo accent and all! :-/)lol!!
well..abt the kareena-saif n shahid thing..god knws...creepy idiots..all of them...seriously...
abt the fact that u ve to compromise..well i ll put it more delicately as...trade off..u knw life's all abt it...u give priority to the things thats more important.. :D
hey hey.. that is real coincidence, I was thinking of these guys too yesterday after watching jab we met!!!
Compromise is not the word I would use, maybe say adjust :)
no compromise?
ideally love means not having the need to compromise at all.. but such ideal situations.. do they exist??
a very nice read..
and doc am blogrollin u! :)
oh so that's why they broke up...
all of a sudden some one tells me that there's rumors about kareena and saif and i'm like..where on earth did that come from?!
@ maverick
must say...well put
and ur right...in life and in love, its all about priorities anyways...:)
@ sree
yess...adjust is a ar better word...but when u feel u require too much of adjustment with it only being more of a one-way thing, then i guess thats where the issues start...:)
loved the duo in 'JWM'...thought they were a 'made for each other' couple in there...sadly they proved me wrong in real life :-/
@ anome
thanks for blogrolling me dear...its a honour :)
as for the 'no compromise' kinda love,well expecting that to exist would be a utopian scenario i know...
but what i mean, like sree said is the couple should be ready for some adjustment (both ways)without it making them uncomfortable or aware that they are adjusting...and when in love, such situations do/can exist dont they? :)
u just got to make sure u never outgrow them...
@ lemonade
well atleast thats what those gossip mags say...well we know better than tht to believe all of it eh?
so take it with a pinch of salt...
afterall only kareena and shahid (and maybe saif too now)would know the inside story...:)
"pyaar dosti hain aur agar woh meri sabse acchi dost nahi ban sakti toh main usse kabhi mohabbat nahi kar sakta" ---from kuch kuch hota hain
"....why do i get the feeling u missed a point here..."
Perhaps I did. Apologies.
"....if ur significant other expects u certain changes when u rnt really comfortable with it and dosent understand that, then maybe u need to think a little..."
Definitely, you sure do need to think a lot about it !!!
its from some old movie it seems.. mohabbaten guys just copied it
@ secret admirer
hmm...pyaar dosti hain magar dosti pyaar nahi :)
the line between is as thin or thick as u want it to be...
@ cindrella
thanks for dropping by dear :)
seeya around
@ abhishek khanna
yaa i guess its from 'bobby' if im not mistaken...though not too sure if they copied it too
true...
Keshi.
hey...
Thats a wonderful blog written by U Pri,..
Will take a print of it and gona make D read it all... (hehe)
Take care!
T
Hi...
My first visit to ur blog...
But I think I cud come back here often:-)))
Evevry line is so nicely put:-)))
yups...love is all giving and not taking...I guess its there in every relation , dnt expect and everyting falls in place...but soemhw when someone is soo close, we start take him fr granted.... many habits which he/she might have chnged to please us, we want to remain that forever...but its is not possible:-0)))
Strange...relations comes with expiry date:-)))
Do visit my space...if u have time:-))
Chakoli:-))
tat must have consumed a lot of thinking energy ? ;)
neways..
I believe is that love is all about compromise. If you love a person you need to compromise few things and the same goes with your partner.
This compromise has to be based on understanding rather than pleasing each other bcoz if it's not thn the "bond" will break sooner or later.
This shaahid-kareena stuff i don't know the exact reason and i don't trust the magazines n newspapers on this.
But if its true then i think that its for their good only that it didn't get stronger..
You must have read about Karishma and Sanjay Kapoor episode...that was also a strained relation...but things finally worked out between them and we don't hear about them anymore....
~tc
Ali
Your definition of love is an ideal definition. Unfortunately, the reality of life and relationships changes all definitions ..
I loved the honesty with which you've penned this post. Love is truly about accepting each other for the way we are. People never change. They rather remain the same but again times change, our priorities change towards the various persons we come across in our lives and people often say we've changed...we must strive to maintain our individuality but at the same time, respect others's..if something obstructs this way, trouble creeps in that ends in a break-up.
nice post.....wont comment in detail!!!!!!! u know why
@ keshi
:)
@ anonymous
lol!! sure thing...it was nice of u to comment...as it is, that nutcase never reads my blog...waste of time he thinks :-/
wish u guys a wonderful relationship with no compromises :)
take care!
@ chakoli
it was nice having u here at 'nostalgic moments'...will visit ur blog soon :)
ohh and ur right, we do start taking ppl we love for granted at times...but i guess thats okay as long as both understand that and make sure it dosent cross the line of comfort :)
@ ali
it was nice knowing ur views on this ali :)
yeah , gossip mags give only half the info actually, the other hal being all made up...:-/
so u never know..it might just be an exaggeration...
@ cosmic joy
true!
its difficult to find an 'ideal' love in a 'not-so-ideal' world :)
@ lavender
i couldent agree more lavender ...
thanks for visiting :)
@ ashu
yaa no problem dear..i understand...
thanks or dropping by neverthless :)
take care!
Nobody is at fault...
one cant say he will only fall in love once.. luv is something which can happen with a moment and with eternity..
its upto u wat u wanna love and when..
and ... its not persuasion which changes a person.. its sheer human..
u r a doctor.. wat does it takes for more than medicine for cure?? i hope u realise.
and when ur frnd go ga ga aur sob sob.. again its human.. its the way one sees the change in his/her life..
Love isn't finding a perfect person. It's seeing an imperfect person perfectly
Cheers!!!!
I personally feel that people somehow forget that reality is imperfection, that when we tend to falter be it in love or otherwise. I do not think one should not compromise for someone else, why not?, don't we compromise for many things in life?.. why not change a little for other, and make them change a little for us, somewhere the "me" spoils "us", and a "perfect" us spoils every relation..
just my thoughts :)
@rambler: well said.. i m with u on this..
the only perfect thing is god in this world, which we cant see. :P
its no rocket science to understand this but.. but.. ;)
My friends, there are few relationships which takes place just to let u know what kinda ppl exist on this planet..
When somebody ditches me for money or something else i say to myself... wow.. for so less i come to know abt this person..
so the same thing happens in love.. its no cheating.. just that sometimes even the best swimmer drowns in the sea...
@ ankur and rambler
exactly ankur...thats what i meant...
love is when u see a person as perfect inspite of all the imperfections...
its not when u try to change the person and make him 'perfect' as per ur standards inspite of him/her not being comfortable about it...
its about knowing what the other person likes/not without them having to tell u and loveing them neverthless...:)
and again as rambler said about compromises, its true we compromise on many things in life---many because we have to...but how many times have u felt bitter bout them? im sure there are some u would remember and cringe forever....
well, to me love isnt about that...agree its about 'adjustments' but not when u feel they are 'compromises' because eventually if they do happen to be the latter, there comes a day when u might just regret it...
and in love, there should be no scope for any regrets...:)
again this might seem utopian, but im a dreamer by default...:)
@Pri: We arent not at all on any disagreement and i respect wat u say. I think i understand y u sayin this and dont take me wrong on this.
Nothin in this world is utopia coz we can dream of it, so somehow we see it possible.
There shldnt be any regrets in love but isnt it abt perfection again. Its good to love and love and love someone but at times u want tat fight to happen, 2 ppl come together not beacuse they r similar or they think similar... but coz they feel similarly abt each other. And believe me when u start doing tat the compromises seems like adjustments and who is making adjustments doesnt matter at the end of the day.
Love more and more even with the person who is worst for others but he can be the best for u...
and yes.. certainly.. its abt knowing wat the person likes without him tellin u.. its adjustment.. u wakeup early to serve him a cup of tea.. tat might be compromise with the habbit of waking up late but u make tat adjustment to see to it tat everything goes well..
Its all abt perception my dear lady..
we rnt wrong.. but the world arnd us is.. who is making us think like this..
I would have loved my girl anyways even if i would have known she will break my heart.. :)
"I strongly feel that love does make u want to be a better person...it makes u want to be perfect...because ur happy and u want the person u love to be happier than anyone else in the world...because YOU feel that 'ur special one' deserves it...and no! he/she dosent have to tell u that"
couldn't agree more here and i'd also like to add that communication and listenin to the other person and atleast tryin to understand makes a huge difference!
@ ankur
now i guess thats the die-hard-romantic in you speakin :) ...
nice to read ur views on this...
@ vands
yes definitely vands...i couldent agree more...communication and understanding is important...and its only after lots of it that there comes a time
when u know what the person u love wants without him/her having to tell u...:)
@Pri: thanks for acknowledgement :)
A die heart romantic with a broken heart.. where is all this coming from.. hehehehe...
just last2 lines from one of my poem again to prove this..
"is zinfagi ko jeene ke liye,
khushi nahi bas unka saath chiaye."
ehehehe..
well i m too emotional i guess.. not so romantic.. :P ;)
@vandita: we r selfish.. we want the other person to be happier coz we will be more happy .. :)
wierd yet true...
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