im not a 'perfect' person!! :((

i have a feeling nobody really loves me :(
and why would they??

i havent been the perfect daughter
---i yell at my mom when she says something i dont like though i know its for my own good...
---i slam doors and still throw tantrums...
---i go without eating dinner if im not at the winning end of an argument...
---i do exactly the opposite of what im told to do sometimes...
---im too lazzy to help my mom in the kitchen and wait for her to call me (wch she hardly ever does..shes a sweetheart--my mom)
---im guilty of not spending enough time with my parents...
---i dont attend family parties even if my dad insists just because i find it boring to tag along with a plastic grin when i hardly know anyone there...
---i hardly make an appearance--not even to say a hello, when there are visitors at home...
so why would my parents love me?? :(


i havent been the perfect sibling either...
---im always the first to plunge at the extra bit of icecream in the fridge and sometimes i sneak downstairs quietly just to reach there first...heehee
---im the most terrible patient a dentist can ever have, when i go to her clinic...
---i never have the time to listen to her though i make sure she's always there to listen to my cribbings/rantings/troubles/woes etc etc
---i sometimes ignore her when im in the company of friends :-/
---i make her chauffeur me around when i need to go someplace...
---i often get irritated with her when she advices me on things i havent asked her about...(i hardly realise then that shes only trying to help)
---i never go along with her when she wants the company...
---i almost always make up excuses not to meet her friends...
---i pick at her mistakes like ive forever been searching for them :-/
---im hardly ever there to console her when shes down...
---most of the times, i give her brutally cold opinions, often telling her that its her mistake even when it sometimes is not...
---i hardly think she's ever right...
then why would she love me after all this??? :(


i havent been the perfect friend either...
---i hardly forgive but i expect to be forgiven...
---i seldom remember birthdays..but im irritated if someone dosent remember mine...
---i often reach late for meetups..but hate if im made to wait...
---sometimes i dont understand but almost always i expect to be understood :-/
---if im really angry i might say nasty things on ur face, but if u do the same, il'l end up shocked, bawling and walking out on u...
---it dosent take much to hurt me if ur my friend and i care about u...
---i have got a huge ego and find it very difficult to apologise even if i really want to...
---if im feeling blue, i (even though unintentionally)make sure u rnt feeling 'pink' either :-/
---if im irritated, il'l say so right on ur face and expect u to forget it the next morning and be my 'bestest' friend again...
then after knowing all my eccentricities, why would my friends love me? :(


when it comes to being 'the one'...
---i would expect him to love me , me and only me...
---there would be days when i would feel ultra-possesive and get irked at the slightest mention of anything or anyone feminine (other than me)...
---there would be times when i would expect him to understand that im too lazzy to cook for him and want him to suggest that we eat out...
---there would be days when i would expect him to convince me how much he loves me and he shouldent get fed up if i play 'difficult'...sigh!
---i would want the love never to fade..not for a single moment...
---i wouldent assure him 'his space' all the time as there can be days when i would be watching him like a hawk..every move...every action...just because i feel like it...sigh!
---i would expect him to know everything without me having to say and when he dosent, i'd be a tad bit dissapointed...
---i would want him to strike a perfect balance between 'cloud 9' compliments and realistic ones...
---i would want him not to be bugged or irritated at me ever...even though i know i can be quite irritating at times...
---i would want him to have the patience and make me understand things i dont...and never ever get fed up and say 'FINE!' or 'WHATEVER!'
---i would want him to teach me to 'dream' once again...
---i would want him to dream with me :)
---i would want him to be the first to patch up incase of any differences...
---i would want him to scold me if im wrong and not just act indifferent or oblivious and not wait for me to cool down by myself...
---i would want him to never get tired of speaking to me and never feel bored of listening to me (sigh! i know here im asking for a bit too much)
ok! so i wonder which person would fall in love with me with all my silly utopian expectations?? :(


see see! ive never been perfect...never been the perfect daughter, sibling, friend or partner...
i wasent ever..im not and probably il'l never be :(
and now after this introspection, i think im going to go to my room and bury my head in the pillow and never come out of there...hmpf!
im sucha horrible person!! :(

nobody loves me!! they all lie...they do! just to make me feel better!! :((

i knoww itt!! i KNOWWWW!! *runs off sobbing*