The "what if's" of life had become her fav questions and she loved teasing her loved ones with them....
'what if i tell u i want that raincoat and not this one' she'd ask pointing to her
sisters favourite colour...
and the next thing she would do is playfully punch her sister in the arm telling her she was just kidding....
'what if i want to stay with dad?' she had asked her mom when her parents had decided to go in for a divorce.....
seeing her moms tear brimmed eyes, she realised that she probably shouldent have said it...'just kidding ma...i love u and wont leave u ever' she'd said as they hugged each other tight...
'what if i tell u i have always loved you' she asked her best friend once....
he stared at her for a moment not knowing what to say...as he fumbled for words, she burst out laughing
'look at you...fooled ya, stupid! i was just kidding'
she was always the mischievous one...fooling everyone...scaring them with her sudden preposterous questions and then laughing at their shocked expressions....
'what if i go away and never come back?would u miss me??' she asked her friend once....she was playfully accused of being an attention seeker and ignored....
years passed but she never changed...always the one pulling off pranks....everyone knew she loved to see those surprised faces..the colour draining off from them and then filling back in when she laughed and told them that it was just a joke....she could almost feel their relief setting back in....as they scolded her for fooling them....
--------------------------
little did they realise that she was fooling them all...each and every time...even when she knew she was dying everyday......
everytime she tried to express what she wanted to, she would sense the tension it would bring about and she would quickly dispose it off in order to avoid the awkwardness....
that was the 'secret' behind the what if's she'd ask...
and the 'just kidding'---that was her way of accepting the futility of the situation...
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today, lying in the hospital bed receiving her 5th cycle of chemotherapy, she opened her eyes..the cancer had taken its toll on her 22 year old frail body...she looked weak..pale...it was tough to see a young girl like her fighting the last stages of a losing battle...
she looked up at her doctor and asked with tears in her already sunken eyes---"what if i tell u i want to live?"
after a moments delay she smiled and said "just kidding doc" ....
this time nobody felt like laughing....
PROMPT: 'what if'---taken from 'matineemuse'
24 comments:
I did smile though...
she shows that her character is as strong in personal crisis as it was in making everyone else comfortable...
and a person like this will always live in everyones memory...no kidding
what if i did tell you...this was a horrible post...
just kidding doc!!!!
It's like who knows what goes on behind closed doors?
Thought provoking piece.
aww... this is sad.. and yet so true. :-(
Its very very sad for those who love her so much to see her in that situation.....
she wanted to know how people miss he.Isn't she
God that was so upsetting. I guess at some point, all of us do this. I mean, telling the other person what we want but using WHAT IF as a shield.
this was a very nice take on the prompt...
why did u write such a painfully sad story? :(
i wouldent want even a moment of sadness touch you
your secret admirer
i felt so so bad!
jeez! so sad!
tell u the truth i have used that "just kidding" thing a lot !
sad!
where r u girl?!
lov this song :)
well they say na
behind every "just kidding" there is some truth
sad...
hmmm really sad but u know these are the kinda ppl who are unforgettable...
Priya... I think this is the most poignant post I've read in a long while. Maybe it's because of something that happened to me a while ago.. and then again, maybe not..
BUT.. brilliantly written
Goosebumps
What if
....this is just a story???
Sorry!! I'm not kidding.
@ ceedy
i did find it horrible myself after i finished writing it :(
@ sweettalkingguy
ur absolutely right...noone knows what the real picture is like :)
@ raaji
well in a way, we all do thzt sometimes dont we? just to avoid situations from getting awkward...
@ karthik s
well thats the whole point...probably they will never see her in sucha situation....
some people are just good actors :)
@ naishtam
naah! the 'she' in the story always wanted to tell the truth..but was scared...she was always afraid that the truth would hurt the people she loved...
she was always afraid of making the situation tense........
thats how most of us are arnt we?
@ ash89
exactly..u got the point! :)
but sometimes i wonder if thats the right thing to do....
i mean, yeah sure...we avoid our loved ones from being upset...and at times we avoid our ego's from being shunned as well...
but are be really being fair to our feelings...
and more importantly to ourselves??
@ suma
thanks :)
this was the first idea i got in mind on seein the 'prompt' and the words just flowed suit...
@ secret admirer
thanks for professing your undying affection for me (yet again)...
its a different thing that i still dont know who u are :-/
@ veens
i often do that myself....
maybe we are being cowardice in not having the courage to bring the truth out in the open whether it comes to feelings or our secrets....
maybe we are just too afraid to lose what we already have :(
got ur audio clips...amazing!!
@ lunatic
well i believe in that too "there is always a lil bit of truth in every 'just kidding' " :)
@ vandita
hmm i wonder what they are remembered of as----as brave enough to put a happy face amidst all the adversity...or as cowardice not to come out with the bitter truth...
@ macademia the nut
thanks girl...
its been a long time since i went blog-visiting...sorry but have been really busy...
will visit you soon...
take care!
@ luckydivz
:D
@ karthik s
yes..this is JUST a story (purely fictional)
and thank god for that! :)
this was breathtakingly beautiful :)
cant tell you how much i loved it
Very nice idea n well written too :)
what if? death is better than pain?
very very good. at the beginning, i thought u r talking abt some of ur frnds. good going
awww babeee.. i loved the way ya wrote that..
to say 'just joking' just to accept the futility of teh situation- is indeed a huge task..
and 22 years old and suffering- life is unfair..
A very beautiful and touching piece....loved the character for her vulnerabilities...
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