I did not want to ever lose out on you...
I promised i would see to it that we would never have differences again...
I hated to admit that i was being juvenile, impulsive, overanalytical but i knew i was in the wrong...
I thought u considered me as much a friend as i did you..that u cared even when u were angry...but i dint realise that u were distancing out...
I expected you to remember the good times more than the bad just like i did...but i was wrong...
but now its asif, nothing matters!! (and yet strangely it always will)
i can never undo the hurt ive caused...try as i might, can never bring the good times back...
nor can i ever restore the friendship we shared in the start which seems not so long ago, yet feels likes ages...
im aware i can never change u back into the person u were to me...
the cold air of indifference will always loom above us...and now nothing i say or u say will or can ever make a difference...i can never forget how that one conversation made me feel....because it just made me hate myself for the way i made u feel!
In the beginning, i guess i spoke too much and i complained that u spoke too less...
and then there was a point where u spoke out everything---all that irritation, that disgust, that hatred u held in for me...and i could do nothing but burst into tears...
from that day, ive always feared words when it comes to you....
somewhere in between, you and i lost out...merely on the basis of a few words exchanged and misinterpreted...
and i guess everytime i speak, there always happens to be some sorta conflict either at your end or mine...some misunderstanding which now wudent be cleared (because im too afraid to ask)...some clarification which now wont be given (because uve long lost patience)...some more silence...some more pent up hurt...and a crumbling friendship...
and no amount of trying can help ressurect a relationship which has its foundation on unsteady ground...
this time my words have proved to be my worst enemy and since they are all ive ever had, it leaves me with no choice....
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and i give up!!
21 comments:
:( kya bolun?
it feels like i wrote this post.
going through almost the same... even wondered.. but then.. i decided for myself yesterday.. sometimes it is better to let go..
@Priyanka & Lena: i wish i was there with you, just to assure you that you aint alone , you aint lost.
never think tat u r alone...we all 'll be always there wth ya dear...
tough tymes r a part of lyf...
just liv it who knows its a signal to the coming happiness
:)
Life is funny... I have been on the other side of your story... bursting out my silence to finish out everything... and I have learned a lesson as well... give every individual the space they deserve... give time for relationships to mature...
dont know whether i am sounding sense... but may be i would fall short of words to explain... anyways i rather be silent... :(
@ luckydivz
kuch mat bol..just promise that u'd never misunderstand anything i say...
@ lena
ur absolutely right lena
"friendship is like china ware...
costly rich, rare...
once broken, can be mended...
but the crack is always there..."
@ sawan
heyy thanks buddy..but dont worry im fine...
im not feeling lost ...just lost out! :)
@ priya joyce
ohh thanks for being positive...but frankly times good or bad are never signals...thats just something everyone likes to believe :)
but neways dont let this post spil the christmas spirit...its not as bad as it seems...and giving up on trying to make it better is just a way of ensuring it wont get any worse :)
@ i walk alone
its not really a question about space in this case...maybe its the excess of it that brings about the air of indifference :)
or then again, its just me and my crazy complicated self....
its an experience that cant be avoided in life mate... it feels more worse when its with someone we really like...
take care da... keep smiling...
have a nice day... cheers...
Umm inspired or 'based-on-true-story'?
I visited once or twice after the acknowledg(com)ment from your side.
Am just too bored to play around with the blog.
And I dont comment much because I am "of few words", unless they are meant to be nonsensical.
Besides I referred to your 'yarns' made 'private' as just a spin-off on my url. No offence intended.
And if this is 'based-on-true-story', I'll just feel too fake to comment things like
:(
Awwww. Take care.
Oh poor thing. We are there for you etc.
dunno if this will make you feel any better.
someone almost never forgave someone. the someone read this post. he understood something. he regretted. but it was late. the other someone had gone too far already. but at least the someone forgave the other someone.
i chose not to name the 'someone's however.
best wishes!
You recommended Tuesdays with Morrie Thankyou dear pri, I read it and am so glad for reading it :-)
Love
looks too personal to comment...cheer up girl
its a no win situation if both of you have given up!
i hope he/she realises how much u tried
i kno wat this is...i have been here...but i was on d other side!!!
@ arv
ur right arv...but neverthless in my opinion, its much better to go away than try too hard and just further mess it up!
thanks for being around...
u take care and keep smiling too! :)
@ stupidosaur
i respect u for that...there is nothing more upsetting than fake concern :)
ohh and as for the blog thingy, u dont need to explain all that much...i dont take offence that easily...as far as visiting my blog goes, its entirely ur call :)
please dont feel compelled!i appreciate ur reading me even when u are too bored to comment...
@ abhishek sim
well thanks for the imaginary situation u conjured up...it did bring along some feel-good magic of its own :)
but unfortunately things dont turn out that way...and it would be wrong to revel in that magic for long...
thanks for dropping by my blog and help cheer me up though....
@ bhaw
the pleasure is all mine dear..im glad u enjoyed reading it :)
@ rambler
yes it is and the only reason i dint email it instead was i dont really deserve or expect a reply...its just a moment i had to record because i dont want to miss it out during my days of introspection...
people change with situations..but memories always stay! :)
@ adi
its a no-win situation if one never manages to forgive completely...remnants of the hurt keep emerging up!
@ mayz
i really dunno which side is worse...
*hugs*
i can so identify with the emotions and feelings running through you.. it really hurts but i know things will change and it will be alright again
You know how it is said that silence is golden - but isnt it for the speaker - for the anticipator silence is a killer...
hope the new season mends these loose ends ;)
@ phoenix
dont get me wrong dear..things are alright..just that its necessary to distance out a lil so that it always stays that way :)
@ ceedy
thanks :)
@ holytrance
yeps i do realise that...only i can help this a little and thats what im doing :)
Its very sad and tough but there will come a time when it will get better
I love your blog...every post one can connect with...one feels like commenting on every post....
very sad post dear... u ok na pri?
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