of december , realisations and positive resolutions...

When someone you had considered most genuine lets you down, that is when it hurts the most.
but the good thing is---along with the bitterness and regret, also comes an elimination of priorities and ironically an equal fairness in life.
Sometimes when you keep ignoring the thousand signs which come your way, life decides to impart one final hard blow which is much needed to knock you back into your senses and teach you that nobody is different...

and its only when that happens, that you realise that its YOU who needs to be indifferent!!

The rose coloured glasses are off and this time around ive crushed them for good!
and to my surprise, i think it has made me completely at peace with myself and reality!

In hindsight maybe i should have crushed them a long time back---they just blurred the whole picture...
'pink' is a pretty colour but life has a whole lot of other shades too!

so cheers to all the others

cheers to the 'new' me that december 09 has managed to bring around by putting to rest some issues in its own ironical little way.

and last but not the least, cheers to life!

Lets hope 2010 is a good year for all of us.
my wishes for the festive season and a wonderful new year ahead..


love and regards to all the genuine people in my life!!

a quick note

sorry for not being regular on here..Life has been a frenzy of events lately---some which are better off not explained.
one thing i can say is that this month has seen the heights of quirkiness in me to the extent that the only person who faced the maximum brunt of the quirkiness has declared me 'insane' and im sure im going to be stuck with that label for a long long time to come...sigh!

december has already shown me the 'trough'..
am looking forward to the 'crest' now..

keeping my fingers crossed,

cheers!!

HOPE
-------

by: Emily Brontë (1818-1848)

HOPE was but a timid friend;
She sat without the grated den,
Watching how my fate would tend,
Even as selfish-hearted men.

She was cruel in her fear;
Through the bars one dreary day,
I looked out to see her there,
And she turned her face away!

Like a false guard, false watch keeping,
Still, in strife, she whispered peace;
She would sing while I was weeping;
If I listened, she would cease.

False she was, and unrelenting;
When my last joys strewed the ground,
Even Sorrow saw, repenting,
Those sad relics scattered round;

Hope, whose whisper would have given
Balm to all my frenzied pain,
Stretched her wings, and soared to heaven,
Went, and never returned again!

the story within...

there is a story in everyone of us...

some are locked never to be opened
some are merely ignored
some are afraid of biased reactions
some shy away from the crowd
some are scared of rejection
some are happy with their clandestine existence
some revel in their privacy
some want to be forgotten
some dont dare to reveal themselves
some too painful to be remembered
some too selfish to be shared
some just prefer to play 'hide and seek'
some wait for the right person to 'tag'

and then there are those stories which are free flowing,

like the breeze which runs through your hair on a windy afternoon..
like the tears which trickle down your cheeks when you are sad...
like the chill which sends shivers down your spine on hearing something scary...
like the cheer in your voice when you are pleased with yourself...
like the rush of happiness you feel when you hug someone you love...
like the pangs of seperation you cant express when you are missing someone special...
like the familiar feeling knocking on your heart when you experience de'ja vu...
like the cherished memories which still visit you from time to time...
like the thoughts which keep you awake even at the end of a long tiring day...
like the experience which transports you back into time when it 'used to be'...
like the dreams which still flash before your eyes when your sleeping...
like the hopes which are long since gone but still not dead...

These stories run freely without any expectation of applause or accolades.
they mingle with the air leaving their beautiful scent wherever they go...
they neither want to be explained nor interpreted..
neither want to questioned nor probed...
neither want to be labelled as facts nor termed as fiction...

Sometimes they are accused of confusing the world..but they doesn't stop them!
"How can someone who is already so confused be confused any further?" is all they ask and dissapear knowing that staying there would only kill them slowly and silently..

they are sometimes labelled complicated..thats when they gracefully accept the designated status and leave with mixed feelings of hurt and regret in search of someone who would probably be simple enough only to understand them..
to understand them---as those who try to live despite the thousand odds...as those who wish to fight every demon who comes their way...as those who want to smile even when they are bruised and hurting..

and more importantly as those who are not meant to be ignored or suppressed out of fear or shame from the rest of the world but rather as those who were born to run free and wild without a single care of the rest of the world!!

its true---there is a story in everyone of us....

ignored!!

Reality came knocking on my door again,

but this time i slid beneath the bed covers, took the blanket over my head and pretended to sleep--hoping to escape...

When i eventually opened the door after being convinced that it had gone away, i could not help but smile at the irony.
There was a note lying at my doorstep.
with trembling hands, i opened the envelope and read the note aloud to myself as the deep seated void in me continued to grow with every word.
remember how you always complained that all i do is dissapoint you everytime i come to meet?
just wanted to let you know that i had come visiting again today...

but this time i had brought along with me a long lost friend..........'happiness'!

virtual khetibadi

1 pink cottage
1 grain silo
2 dairy farms
1 chicken coop
1 tool shed
1 small pond
1 mailbox
1 picnic set
1 red gazing ball
1 well
1 rest tent
1 fruitstand
1 axe and block
1 wheelbarrow
2 haystacks
1 barrel and butter churner
1 white jack-o-lantern
1 water pump
7 white sheep
8 pigs
10 rabbits
4 goats
6 horses
6 ducks (including 1 ugly duckling on whom i have high hopes)
4 cows including 1 bovine-09 cow (from outer space) i had most enthusiastically bought
3 bird baths
2 cherry trees
2 avocado trees
6 passionfruit trees
4 grapefruit trees
7 date trees
7 apricot trees
2 lime trees
4 fig trees
6 banana trees
1 red maple tree
1 apple tree
2 orange trees
1 lemon tree
1 harvest table
15 awesome neighbours to compete with

and last but not the least the enthusiasm to buy more, plough more, sow more and harvest more and more....the only reason why urs truly has not yet quit accessing facebook---"FARMVILLE"!! :D

UPDATED (15th november 09)---dont ask me what happened (take it as just another bout of un predictability).
I QUIT FACEBOOK.
guess farmville wasn't reason strong enough to stay there afterall!

the treasure called nostalgia

a treasure trunk opened with a heavy feeling...
some lovely memories neatly folded and stored...
a huge metal lock to safeguard it forever...
the key put in a sleek little casket...
the casket placed in a small wooden box...
the wooden box kept in a huge combination vault...
..
......
.........
............
.................
.......................
.............................
the combination conciously forgotten...
.............................
.......................
.................
...........
........
....
..
and yet, stolen glances at the trunk from time to time...........

LIFE!!

'Richard Cory'--by E.A. Robinson

Whenever Richard Cory went down town,
We people on the pavement looked at him:
He was a gentleman from sole to crown,
Clean-favoured and imperially slim.

And he was always quietly arrayed,
And he was always human when he talked;
But still he fluttered pulses when he said,
"Good Morning!" and he glittered when he walked.

And he was rich, yes, richer than a king,
And admirably schooled in every grace:
In fine -- we thought that he was everything
To make us wish that we were in his place.

So on we worked and waited for the light,
And went without the meat and cursed the bread,
And Richard Cory, one calm summer night,
Went home and put a bullet in his head.

---Edwin Arlington Robinson

of first impressions going drastically wrong...

I need to realise that first impressions are not always the last impressions.
i was being stubborn all this while..
was adamant into believing what i wanted to believe.
someone commented on here with an anonymous handle and when i got to know who it was, i was alarmed, irritated and angry.
later he confessed he had planned to fib his way into knowing me better when the truth was he did know me a little already..
now one thing i cant stand is betrayal of trust however small it may be!
so without a second thought, my mind immediately labelled him a 'liar'!!
but apparently this 'liar' told me he cared which i thought was just a futile attempt to justify his comments and anonymous emails.
so without a moments delay my brain registered all pieces of evidence as against him and labelled him 'liar in denial' (so much so as i try not to judge people, i did judge him a little in a fit of anger)
i avoided him.
i shunned him..
i ignored him
i detested him..

to cut the long story short, i closed my mind to what he had to say.
but yesterday, something happened just out of the blues which kinda compelled me to listen to what he had to say..
and when i heard him out, i was taken aback.
amidst a million apologies, he explained why he went ahead and created that anonymous aura and accepted that even though it doesn't completely justify what he had done, he was feeling hell guilty about it and would have come out in the open soon enough had i not confronted him about it.
and then again, im happy we shed the awkwardness in between and spoke about it...because talking always helps sort out misunderstandings--and so it did!

im glad my first impression wasn't the last one---because in a strange uncanny sorta way, this time i think it just might have earned me a life-long friendship.

i guess all's well that ends well! :)

A long time ago, i wished upon a shooting star
to give you all the happiness in the whole wide world...
to make your every dream come true....
to bless you with the peace of mind you truly deserve...
to bring you a million smiles along the way...
to adorn your life with a thousand rainbows...
to help you find the pot of gold at the end of each...
to show you the right path at every step...
to help you reach all your goals and aspirations...
to see to it that you never break even under the strongest of pressures..
to give you strength to put up a strong fight with fate and emerge victorious...
to shower you with the love of the one you truly love...
to keep you safe from all evils...
to help you regain the faith in miracles you seemed to have lost...
to bless you with the determination to reach new heights...
to send good luck knocking on your door in your every endeavour...
to relieve you from the troubles that weigh your mind...

and just then as all the other stars in the sky twinkled in approval, that falling star promised me my wish would be granted.

Today i am still waiting for it to fulfill its promise..someone told me shooting stars never lie!

emotions

a little too tough to resist...
a little too painful to bear...
a little too obvious to hide...
a little too private to share...

a little too magical to believe...
a little too quick to catch...
a little too distant to reach...
a little too different to match...

a little too ambiguous to comprehend...
a little too freeflowing to stay bound...
a little too hopeful to let go...
a little too elusive to be found...

a little too dreamy to be real...
a little too true to be fake...
a little too sensitive to the spoken word...
yet a little too strong for the world to shake...

a little too selfish to live sans expectations...
a little too human no hopes to build...
a little too many lie suppressed unspoken...
and a little too much in us gets killed!!

a google discovery

I dont know how far this is true.
but i think i believe in it!!

some thoughts--JLT!

"when will u learn to expect what u cant imagine will happen??"

this is what 'the messiahs handbook' said to me today...
it did make me think a bit :-/

will i ever learn to expect the unexpected?? sounds weird dosent it...because if we expect the 'unexpected' then it wouldent even be 'unexpected' anymore.
but on second thoughts,
will i ever learn to expect what i would hate to want to happen??
and even if i do,will i ever be okay with it?

are we okay with everything happening around us?
no..yet there are things which cant be helped arnt there...and we are accepting that...
so dont u think we all are living a compromised existence?
life is somewhat a game and we gotta play according to the rules...but who sets the rules??
Why is a divorced person expected to reduce his/her standards or compromise with someone who woldent be a choice had he/she been single??

why do people sneer at the concept of 'soul mates' and joke about you living in an utopian world if u say u are waiting for 'the one'??

why does society drive u up the wall to make decisions which would least affect them and why are they soo curious about ur life??

it scares me sometimes...the thought of me succumbing to pressures and maybe helping someone take the wrong decisions or worse still taking some wrong decisions myself...
its strange..its funny ...its weird...and sometimes its really frustrating!!
no matter how much we try to think for ourselves,there are times when people around u make u think exactly how they want u to...and when u still refuse, they throw at u the exact same question 'the book' managed to throw at me today...
or to make it even worse they wont ask...they'll just tell you that you will never learn!!

and all you want to do is tell them to back off...!
yet the most you can do is smile and let it pass you off...
dammit! i hate to think i can be sucha hypocrite at times!!

just for the heck of it, i flipped open the book once again and to my greatest surprise,this is what it read!! (this HAS to be a coincidence...or its kida eerie!eep!!)

theres a reason you chose whats happening around you...
hang on!
live ur way through the best you know and in a bit you will find out why

its amazing how this book can make me frown and smile in a matter of 10 minutes...
its true,life has questions...
but guess it also has answers... :)



cheers!!

a matter of perspective!

a glass with water half till brim,
as half empty or half full,one may see...
our eyes show us what it seems,
but our mind decides what we want it to be...

scalded hands can remind those affected,
of the trauma caused by a kitchen burn...
one decides to stay away forever,
the other decides to face it learn...

swept away by the oceans tide,
those lovely castles built too near...
one decides never to build them again,
the other learns to overcome the fear...

stories of the demons which may lie ahead,
told by those who travelled before with dread...
one chooses to see for himself,
the other refuses that territory to tread...

two wanderers lost in the lonely woods,
the night is cold,it is dark and quiet...
one lies shattered and scared to death,
the other stays hopeful to see the light...

a mistake realised,an apology deserved,
life in its own way teaches us lessons few...
one hangs onto the regrets of the past,
the other tries to improve and starts anew...

so my friends its all in the mind,
every situation has a question subjective
no fixed response to be rendered right or wrong,
in the end, life is all just a matter of perspective!!

happy birthday

We met 7 years back and right there and then, we both knew we were meant to be friends...
there was something about him..a boyish charm..a magical grin..a great sense of humour...a very responsible attitude...a positive vibrant aura---all of which put together summed up to a potent combination for someone you'd just want to know more and more, not only because you enjoy their company but more because of what their company makes you become..
Aditya is one such person and at the risk of seeming dramatic let me add here that after god made him, he probably broke the mould :)
He is the first one to offer you a helping hand...will wait till you cool off from your most terrible moodswings..will pamper you when you are on the verge of throwing the biggest tantrum and make the most serious of moments feel light within seconds..
But this isnt all of him..behind the tough exterior of a fun-loving adi, lies a man who is equally sensitive and strong at the same time..someone who will stay with u even when the whole world turns its back against you...a friend who will never give up on you...a philosopher who will always guide you with the right advice and words (and also get irritated by the fact that u never listen to him)..a fellow cohort who will keep trying to solve your confusions even while getting utterly confused himself...a buddy who will silently keep a watch on you when ur chasing your craziest and silliest dreams so tht you are not left all alone if at all they dissapear...

in todays world most friendships wear off with time..some lose their original magic...some just fade away...and some keep making you feel ur trying too hard to make them survive..

but then there are those very few rare ones---
like trees in thw wild which shelter you from the rough heat...
like the blades of grass, bending but never breaking...
like water--transparent and clear..
like light--which can brighten up gloomy days..
like blessings---which u silently thank god for...

and though im not used to praising him so much and although im pretty sure he might suffer from a heart attack outta shock on reading all this, i still want to tell him today that i consider myself very lucky to have him as my friend.

sidenote for adi: please note, im being extra nice just today, because its your birthday..so please do not expect this kinda treatment from me on an everyday basis..*grin*
you will still remain the idiotic, irritating, overlecturing, useless....and amazing person that you always have been to me..
so dont you dare change! :)

HERE'S WISHING YOU A VERY VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY

...

you ask me why i am like this...

sometimes practical
sometimes naive
sometimes unrealistic
sometimes real
sometimes stubborn
sometimes impulsive
sometimes thoughtful
sometimes selfish
sometimes unconditional
sometimes nervous
sometimes completely sorted
sometimes vibrant
sometimes absolutely depressing
sometimss hopelessly romantic
sometimes a cupid killer
sometimes brutally agnostic
sometimes a firm believer
sometimes in love with life
sometimes its biggest enemy
sometimes a strong feminist
sometimes a vulenerable lass
sometimes very strongminded
sometimes ultraemotional
sometimes thriving on hope
sometimes letting go a bit too fast
sometimes an enigma
sometimes a completely clear picture
sometimes a hundred alter ego's
sometimes just one me!

there is a brief pause in conversation disturbed by a stillness in the air...
you think im silent because ive taken it as a compliment---a multifaceted personality
but i say nothing because you have questioned my existence---a confused identity!!

"You know how people long to be eternal. But they die with every day that passes. When you meet them, they’re not what you met last. In any given hour, they kill some part of themselves. They change, they deny, they contradict--and they call it growth. At the end there’s nothing left, nothing unreversed or unbetrayed; as if there had never been an entity, only a succession of adjectives fading in and out on an unformed mass. How do they expect a permanence which they never held for a single moment?"
----Ayn Rand

of viewing your field from the other side of the fence...

The easiest way to reach the right conclusion, is to see the situation you are in from a third person's perspective.
You gotta watch it like a reel playing on a screen--only then can things fall in place and the confusion can get sorted..
Often times its most difficult to do this since placing your self out in the audience while the drama unfolds is a tough thing to do.but its only when we do that, that we are able to see things crystal clear.
Only then, the bias is eliminated.
Its like watching a movie and making a judgement about the story line.
That is precisely when we figure out how our perspective changes when it comes to our life and the life of someone else..
Most of us are great as agony aunts--always willing to offer help and advice to our friends in times of need even when it isnt really needed..always ready with pearls of wisdom and what we think is the right thing to do in so-and-so situation..strong minded individuals who will take no shit from anyone or so we seem to them.
Infact when we are asked for advice, we are the first to say what is right and wrong and how we should stand up for ourselves.
While watching a movie, we are the first to criticise the bad guy..sneer at the idiot..and laugh at the situation.
but the truth is when we ourselves are caught up in similar situations, we falter..we hesitate..we bite off more than we can chew..and tolerate more than we can.
Why is it that eveyrthing changes when it comes to our own selves..our own lives?
Why dont we realise our mistakes, our faults as quick??
But no we wont! we continue to play the fool.
We cling onto the slightest ray of hope..we start believing in miracles and we run miles away from reality..in short we take a plunge straight into denial.
Whatever side we are on, we believe we are right and continue to behave the way we want to--sometimes like emotional fools and sometimes like ungrateful wretches. Either we take the people who matter to us for granted or let ourselves be taken for granted..
Either we allow ourselves to hurt or be hurt..
Either we cause pain just because we have the power to do so or we bear it till we can no more...
and almost always, we hope that things will change for the better even when there is no chance..or continue till things keep getting worse and worse with the confidence that it never will.
Perhaps we just dont realise or dont want to realise that people and things never change unless there is a realisation...and the bitter truth is that realisations if dont occur to the self, will never bring about a change!

All said and done, it is only when we watch our life as a movie reel flashing infront of our eyes--from the audience row that we realise where we are actually going wrong.That is precisely when we are capable of reaching the correct conclusion and taking a sensible decision..


Yet, it is never too late to mend...so get away from the camera and jump into the audience..change the way you are looking at things..be your own critic panel and make a happy difference to your own life.

happy watching! :)

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
---Mark Twain

while u were sleeping

some things to be told...
some reasons to be given...
some secrets to be confided...
some moments to be shared
some memories to be cherished...
some tears to be shed...
some truths to be confronted...
some issues to be discussed...
some doubts to be cleared...
some fears to be expressed...
some actions to be explained...

i stare at my reflection in the mirror and for once it tells me to think with my heart and not with my mind.

all of a sudden, i find myself facing a temporary lapse of reason..of logic..and i text you asking whether you are awake..
i wait with bated breath half nervous and half anxious hoping you will reply..until im swept away by the dark night into the land of dreams---with these unspoken thoughts still roaming in my head...

but i realise that the morning sun will bring back the harsh wrath of a bitter reality along with it.
try as i might to listen to my heart, it will take me by the hand and pull me into a practical world where logic reigns supreme...
where the realisation that you might never realise how simple it is for you to triumph over that logic if only you tried, will dawn upon once again...
where unspoken thoughts will remain unspoken, maybe just because the moment passed by...while you were sleeping

and tomorrow will still be another day---but perhaps one very different!

the 'na sahi' attitude

so what do u think of the 'na sahi' attitude??
would u want to adopt it as a full proof method of staying happy or do u think its just unhappiness in denial?
and then being brutally honest, when we say 'na sahi' do we really mean it too?

har gham har aansoo humein,
apna banana aa gaya...
har haal har daur mein,
humein muskurana aa gaya...
gham hain bhi toh rukna nahi,
jeena hain toh jhukna nahi...
yeh zindagi koi khushi,
ab na bhi de toh na sahi!!

i would love to have this attitude for everything in life..but im afraid i might just not be emotionally equipped to pull it off successfully at all times.

afterall we are practical but we are also human! :)

and here comes antakshari-2!!!!

its about time we had a fun post out here..so i decided to get "online antakshari" back since im quite beginning to miss those interactive posts we used to have out here..
the last time we had it here, it was a whole lot of fun!!
(and as i type this, im particularly missing the presence of veens, prats, ankur and a few others without whom the last antakshari around here would never have been as huge a success as it was)

but neverthless, hoping that the magic is still alive and that this small interactive event manages to push away the september blues (i noticed that the last time around also, it was september--maybe sept is online antakshari month) and throw us all into better spirits!

as for the rules of the game, for those who arnt aware---
its just a simple game wherein u start with a song and the next person takes it from the last letter of the last word of that song and types (because unfortunately the virtual world has its limitations) another song...

lets try not to repeat any of the songs because repitition kinda spoils the fun..and make sure we dont murder any lyrics around here.we dont want those lyricists turning in their graves ;)
ohh and typing more than just two lines of the song is mandatory.
if by chance two ppl comment in at the same time with two diff songs for the same letter, then the one who's comment appeared first will be considered.
anyone and everyone is invited to participate any number of times.

so all said and done, i will start with the opening song in the comment section..so take it from there and sing along..

cheers to a musical time ahead!

a life within confines

behind iron bars she is caged,
but her soul is not!!
the soul has managed to wander far away,
and she is happy...
because even within those confines,
the endless dreams she has been weaving,
have taught her the true meaning of freedom!!

behind iron bars she is caged,
but her love is not!!
she has managed to express her love to the open skies,
and she is content...
because even within those confines,
the clear blue skies so out of reach,
have taught her the true meaning of love!!

for some she is the nightingale,
who sings melodies in the night so dark...
some call her a phoenix,
for others she is just a lark...
for some she epitomises beauty,
for some a music divine...
she masks her emotions so carefully,
in a voice just as fine...

the world has tried to cage her,
but her soul flies high and free...
happy that her clipped wings cannot stop it,
from being what she wants yet cannot be...

she sings sweet songs of glory,
of making love to the night...
her dreams often end up in pieces,
and nothing ever seems to go right...
she knows she doesn't want to stay here,
she is a creature of the wild...
but fate has long since mocked her,
as a bitter destiny's sweet child...

the open skies invite her,
her clipped wings they haven't seen...
and all she does is smile through helpless tears,
at the growing distance in between...

yet a light of hope glows within her,
as she tries hard to flap her wings,
and yet a melody her voice brings along,
as she continues to sing...

for she has always been a fighter,
in life's eternal test...
and despite her tired clipped wings,
she has always given her best..

her best to keep on dreaming,
and realise what it means to be free...
her best to express her hearts love,
even when none is there to see..,
her best to sing sweet melodies,
as the world passes her by...
her best to live life fully,
even though she cannot fly!!

the 'about me' tag!!

1. What does your user name mean?
ohh its pri..short for my name 'priyanka'...i dunno how it stuck on around here...i guess was feeling too bored to type my entire name when i first started blogging at 'nostalgic moments' and then people fell soo much in love with it (shh! i like to believe that so humour me :-/) that i decided to let it be.

2. Elaborate on your user photo.
my current user pic is of a girl sitting alone on a deserted beach watching as the waves lash at the shore.it is a moment of introspection and i have chosen it for obvious reasons....

3. How many comments do you have?
huh? on which post?

4. third last person on your missed call list?
tough luck! i just deleted my call log last night :D

5. What exactly are you wearing right now?
blue denims and a white peasant top thrown on.

6. What is your current problem?
sigh!trust me--u dont really want to get into that!

7. is there someone who knows everything about u?
umm everything--dont think so
almost everything--maybe!

8. What makes you most happy?
still gotta figure this one out.

9. Are you musically inclined?
yes very much...at the risk of being called dramatic let me tell you that i have music running in my mind almost all the time *grin*

10. What would you do if you woke up one morning and found out you were on cocaine?
ohh that would explain the manic-depressive symptoms...so i'd feel all enlightened and finally the eternal query about why im soo crazy and complicated would fall in place :-/

11. If you could go back in time and change something, what would it be?
a few vulnerable moments wherein i spoke too much when i should'nt have...

12. last movie in a movie hall?
"love aajkal"

13. Ever had a near-death experience?
yes..a very close to death experience which in a way changed my life..

14. Name an obvious quality you have.
im pretty frank and say what i feel--might take me a while sometimes but eventually do get about saying it straight on the face whether good or bad...some people may call it lack of diplomacy or being too transparent but frankly, thats one thing i would'nt ever want to change...

15. What's the name of the song that's stuck in your head right now?
"because u loved me" by celine dion

16. Are you happy today?
today?? yup..why not? :-/

17. Who will cut and paste this first?
i dunno..maybe someone who isnt too lazy to take up a tag.

18. Name someone with the same birthday as you.
umm not that im aware of and im too lazzy to google.so its 3rd june.go google it urself! *yawn*

19. Do you have a secret crush on someone?
i dont know--period!! (if i do and i told u then it wouldn't qualify as a SECRET crush u idiot.besides i'd like to keep u people wondering *evil laugh*)

20. Do you have a garbage disposal in your kitchen sink?
lemme go check! *runs to the kitchen*

21. Have you ever been in a fight?
yes..but at a mental level!

22. Have you ever sung in front of a large audience?
yeps

23. What's the first thing you notice about the OPPOSITE sex?
physical--smile
non physical--attitude

24. What's your biggest mistake?
nothing can be labelled as a mistake.something you thought to be the best option once upon a time can be looked upon as a regret at some other time in the future..
but it only becomes a mistake when you learn nothing from it.
i believe ive learnt a little (if not much) from every small/big thing in life!

25. Name three things that you have on you at all times?
my smile (almost always), attitude and last but not the least my brain [have my head on my shoulders all the time and mindya its always full..i dont leave it behind even when i go to watch those no-brainer-movies]

26. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
lol yes..though that compliment did get me on cloud 9 i still think it was more pertaining to the attitude than to the looks..either ways, im not complaining! ;)

27. Are you comfortable with your height?
yes.very!

28. What are your favorite smells?
the scent of the earth after the first rains.
the aroma of mom-made food.
the fragrence of a few fav perfumes and shower-gels.

29. What's something that really annoys you?
lies, backstabs, PDA, indifference.

30. What's something you really like?
apart from blogging, reading and listening to music, its talking to people i really like :)

31. Do you give random hugs and kisses?
nope.

32. What's the latest you have ever stayed up?
have stayed up all night and it wasent quite a big deal for me during night calls in med school..right now too i do stay up but its a BIGGG deal! :p

33. Have you ever been rushed to the emergency room?
as a doctor---several times.
as a patient---on two seperate ocassions which i dread to even recall (yea! doctors make the worst patients)

34. one most recent realisation?
sometimes things speak for themselves.but its almost always we who arn't paying enough attention.

35. tag 5 people
---arv
---rane
---varun
---srivats
---zeba (take it as a 'welcome aboard' tag)
---and lastly whoever wants to take it up

cheers!

of rainbows, dreams, dark nights and illusions...

This is a piece i had written a long time ago.somehow i caught a tear rolling down my cheek while reading it today.
I guess there are moments when even fiction can come out alive to haunt the one creating it :)

standing on the other side of the rainbow,
i wonder if everything i see is an illusion...

the flowers around look brighter,
the worries weighing me down seem lighter,
a magic blue blanket in the sky i see,
lost in each other--both you and me...
rain drops quenching the thirst of the dry parched earth,
smiles each one a million dollars worth,
no tears glistening for reasons new,
love in the air with just me and you...

standing on the other side of the rainbow,
i wonder if everything i see is just an illusion...

but slowly the night approaches and the rainbow is gone,
the illusion gets hazy but the dream is still on.
the flowers dont harbour hope to bloom,
a thousand worries above me loom,
i search the sky for stars in vain,
and i find myself on that dark lonely lane.
i look around but ive lost that smile,
the rain had come to stay perhaps only for a while...

new tears flow for reasons old,
a painful realisation as i suddenly grow cold...

ive been there before and then drifted apart,
cos dreaming has always broken my heart.

standing on the other side of the rainbow,
i still wonder if everything i see is just an illusion...

FB v/s BLOGGER

is FACEBOOK slowly but surely trying to replace BLOGGER??
have i become lazier??
or is it that writing something in one vague looking line makes me happier than giving a clearer picture through a long post?
or could it be the sinking feeling that probably my FB profile nowadays attracts more comments than my posts out here *goes into sulk mode*

please dont mind me..its just one of those "nobody loves me" days again. *snif.whimper*
please carry on with whatever u were doing.my blog is not good enough i know..u got better and more important things to do than listen to my stories :(
..
......
*waits*
..........
............
*waits some more*
...................
.....................
*holds her breath and waits a lil longer*
...........................................
...............................................
OKAYY THAT DOES IT NOW!!DONT U DARE CLOSE THIS PAGE OR SOMEBODY IS GOING TO GET HURT!

in case u havent noticed you heartless insensitive idiot, that was EBM i was trying up there and YOU are not even reacting?? DAMN YOU!!

*counts 1 to 10 and breathes in deep to regain composure*
.
..
.....
........
............

ok so i was saying...
im afraid if i get addicted to facebook and one-liner-status-msgs there, il'l grow old before the book is out as it would take me ages to gather the required motivation to complete it :(
*looks around all dejected waiting for the optimist in her to wake up*

hmmmmmmmmm....hang on just a minute!!(i think lazybones 'opti' is up already..yayy!) could it be a sign that i should probably publish a book of quotes instead---inspired by my very own cryptic facebook profile??
would you read it? wouldya? wouldya? *rubbing palms with glee*

P.S: just FYI its a blue saturday and you are allowed to lie to make me happy

lets face it

why are we blaming the poor heart all the time?

wrong emotions--we start blaming it for being illogical!
vulnerabilities--we start blaming it for being oversensitive!
falling in love---we start taking pride or blaming it again!

they say---
the heart skips
the heart jumps
the heart glows
the heart fears
the heart rebels
the heart dreams
the heart breaks

they say----
the heart is stubborn
the heart is kind
the heart is brave
the heart is blind
the heart is sweet

they say----
the heart understands the language of love
the heart understands no logic

they say----
"listen to your heart"
"your heart will give u all the answers"
"the heart is always right"
"your heart knows best"

just when exactly are we going to accept the fact that the 'heart' is only a goddamn organ with no relation to love, logic, sentiments and emotions or the lack of it??!

ohh 'A.E Housman' i bow to thee, in the name of poetry...

Along the field as we came by
A year ago, my love and I,
The aspen over stile and stone
Was talking to itself alone.
'Oh who are these that kiss and pass?
A country lover and his lass;
Two lovers looking to be wed;
And time shall put them both to bed,
But she shall lie with earth above,
And he beside another love.'

And sure enough beneath the tree
There walks another love with me,
And overhead the aspen heaves
Its rainy-sounding silver leaves;
And I spell nothing in their stir,
But now perhaps they speak to her,
And plain for her to understand
They talk about a time at hand
When I shall sleep with clover clad,
And she beside another lad

---A.E HOUSMAN

The countdown is finally going to end..
just one more day to go and HE will be here.

so here's wishing everyone a very very happy ganesh chaturthi :)

GANPATI BAPPA MORYAAAAAA!!!!!!!

is a blog-update-notification that urgent really???

I can understand that some people are really super enthusiastic about blogging and comments..but just what exactly do u mean by texting me at around 3 o'clock in the morning just to inform about a new blogpost update!!

and to think this isn't the first time..its no longer funny how this person somehow manages to msg me only in the wee hours of the morning just to inform about his updated blog.
i reckon its because he posts only after midnight due to lack of time during the day but do i really have to be the first person to know about it???? and if so, please for heaven's sake tell me WHYYYYY??
well actually speaking, as discussed with a few other bloggers on a former similar ocassion, it was brought to notice that he belongs to that dangerous species of bloggers who shoot out notifications to almost everyone they know according to their convenience..and if thats so, im sure im not the only one getting mad in a 'i-wish-i-could-cut-him-into-tiny-pieces' kinda fashion at him at 3am in the morning *rolling eyes*

frankly, i have nothing against this species..but only as long as they restrict their tactics to general orkut and facebook and gtalk advertisement.
but calling up or texting to inform is just soo not done..its freaky actually! :-/

i mean you dont think his blog is going to turn into a pumkin if he waited till morning, do u? [im quite enjoying this thought actually..i know, i am wicked like that.heehee!]

sidenote: this post is written in a really irritated frame of mind since i was rudely jolted out of my slumber by 3 consecutive msg beeps saying "hi u awake?" followed by "BLOG UPDATED" followed by "please rush" (yea right! u wish)
to top it, i just could'nt get back to sleep and had to spend the rest of the night staring at the ceiling, uncomfortably tossing and turning ocassionally (when the ceiling fan got too boring and scary to stare at) only to be greeted by a splitting stubborn headache in the morning..

its no wonder that i havent visited the forementioned blog and if i get any more of those 3am-post-update-notifications, i swear im NEVER going there again!!

ironic

someone somewhere is dreaming of spending an entire lifetime with you at the exact same moment you are hoping to spend your entire life with some other someone else...
someone somewhere is tracing your face in the stars at the exact same moment you are trying to sketch a life pattern with some other someone else in them...
someone somewhere is sad because you are sad at the exact same moment you are feeling helpless because some other someone else is sad about something you cant do anything about...
someone somewhere is hoping all your dreams come true at the exact same moment you are hoping the same for some other someone else...
someone somewhere is praying for your happiness the exact same moment you are praying for the happiness of some other someone else...
someone somewhere is still hanging onto the small hope that things might just turn all right at the exact same moment you smile hoping for a happy ending with some other someone else...
someone somewhere thinks you will never understand how much it hurts when some other someone else is breaking your heart every passing moment...

its a small world and we are all human...someone is bound to develop feelings for someone who inturn (as purely luck may have it) may or may not share the same.

such is life..its got everything in store for you..just that its never exactly the way you want it!!

tomorrow never comes

everytime she spoke to him,
a little more of her soul she bared...
and everytime he spoke to her,
he wondered if he really cared...

today shattered he sits and weeps,
defeated by an evil stroke of fate...
she lies there lifeless still in love,
he has realised he cares but a bit too late!!

15th august 2009

no matter how much we crib about the prevailing conditions in our country,
no matter how much we complain about the lacking government, corrupt politicians and slow progress,
no matter how far we stray away to different countries across different continents, the truth remains that our heart still belongs to INDIA and we are hell proud of it.

there is an undying confidence that the prevailing condition will improve and we will see better times..
there is a faith that we will succeed in fighting the inustice and united, we can and will emerge as a strong power for the world to see..a winner just like it had been on the 15th august 1947---a victory we will keep renewing every coming year.
there is a connection which attaches us to the place, the people back home..a connection so strong that it can easily topple over all the luxuries of life in a foreign land with the heartwarming music of just one desi ghazal bringing misty memories and a strong urge to just leave everything behind and head home.

yes that is what india is to us---amidst all the frustration, the poverty, the struggle to survive, the bomb attacks, the fears, the insecurities, the terror created by religious fanatics, there is still this one belief which over rules all these and gives us the courage to stand tall and fight against all the odds--the belief that INDIA is HOME.


here's wishing all indians not only in INDIA but world wide over, a very happy independence day.

JAI HIND!!

confirmed yet confused!

there comes a point when you find you have had enough of everything...of love..of friendship...of emotions..and the drama that life brings along.....
you dont care what would hurt anymore because uve been through all the bullshit and after having tolerated it for more than what you thought u could, you realise that you just cant take it any longer...and all you need is a moment to realise this.
however the tough part is how long after does this 'moment' arrive?

Neverthless, sooner or later--it does!
and that so-called moment my friends, is when you actually start living for YOURSELF!

im afraid im somewhere very very close but the problem is i really dont know whether to be happy or sad about it.

the "I" tag...

Adi, once again has tagged me with this one..so here goes:

1. I am listening to...Farida khanums 'aaj jaane ki zid na karo'

2. I talk...quite a lot!


3. I love...walking on the thin line between fiction and reality and so i write!


4. My best friends....are those who i know are always there for me, no matter what i say or do!


5. Love is...strange!????!!!!


6. Somewhere, someone is thinking...that i still care as much as i once did when the truth is i really dont!


7. I'll always...have nostalgic moments


8. The last time I really cried was because...of something which really hurt my feelings


9. My cell phone...is low on battery most of the time


10. When I wake up in the morning...i usually feel i was better off sleeping


11. Before I go to bed...i think about the day that has passed and make a new decision for the one that is coming


12. Right now I am thinking about....stories which can have neither a beginning nor an end


13. Babies are...tiny happy people who poop all the time but are oblivious of what bigger mess lies ahead in life


14. I miss...an old chapter of comfortable memories


15. Today I...wonder how the 'book' will end!


16. Tomorrow I will be...remembered and missed for what i am today!


17. I really want to be...just a little teeny weeny bit more realistic, strong headed and practical when it comes to certain things!

18. I can...but i wont! *yawn*

19. I cant stand anyone who is...dual-faced to the extent of being manipulative just as much as i hate liars!

20. I tag...whoever wants to take up this tag! (i know tags are a pain to many.so no compulsions)

and the song of the moment is...

"dil ne hum se jo kahaa, hum ne waisaa hee kiyaa,
phir kabheee fursat se sochenge, buraa thaa yaa bhalaa..

zindagi khwaab hain, khwaab mein,
jhooth kya, aur bhalaa sach hain kya..
sab sach hain"

SIDENOTE: naaaawww im not drunk..just a little senti! :-/

its complicated

A recent meetup with four close friends had us talking about social networking sites after around three hours of talking about everything else we could possibly think of.
after dissecting them piece by piece, talking about the various pro's and cons, the interference of ppl u dont really want interfering, the stupid quizzes we keep taking to kill time and the random crappy stranger requests i decided to raise the hottest topic and current obsession of everyone who joins these sites--the curiosity factor particularly about the relationship status.

while one friend admitted that facebook is now only restricted to curiosity element, another pointed out that the update about relationship status in these networks are never to be trusted..hmm..interesting!
the discussion further delved into the reasons for his controversial comment.and what followed was a huge animated discussion about the in-depth analysis of the human psyche which went something like this---

in a relationship status update on a social networking site,
what does "single" actually mean?
R: "ohh it means the person could be single" (please note here the usage of the words 'could be')

ME: "well, there are so many people out there who are committed and yet update their status as single.its mostly because of the insecurity in the relationship"

S: "it could also be the poor guy/girl is contemplating a breakup u know--benefit of doubt"

T: "i dont see anything wrong in that..why does he have to declare to the world that he/she is single..its none of their business"

what does "committed" actually mean?
R: "ohh it means that the person could or could not be committed" (yeah u guessed right.R is a lawyer and believes in sitting on the fence even if it means he gets a sore ass in the bargain.he is also the most skeptical human on this part of the globe).

ME: "ohh i think il'l agree with R.it does'nt say much..maybe the person is actually in a relationship or maybe he wants everyone in the whole wide world to believe he is in one"

S: "maybe the guy really wants to be in one and the person he is interested in, doesn't really believe him..so u know..just to prove a point or something" (ok insert a full volume laugh track here with S being the only person with a serious expression making us all doubt the reason behind his recent status change)

T: "it could also be possible that this guy or girl has gone through a recent breakup and wants to show his ex that he has already moved on.huh? huh?"

what does "married" mean?
R: after a long pause "means he/she is married"

ME: "means he/she is married..period!"

S: "it means 'buddy im doomed..im married!'"

T: "it means married and brave enough to accept the fault"

(phew! ok atleast we have an unopposed vote on the honesty of this option)

what does "open relationship" mean?
R: "it means that there are no strings attached.u live your life your way and i will live mine and dont expect fidelity, monogamy or the stuff relationships are actually supposed to be made of from me.my opinion--all good until one of them falls in love with the other--the other to whom it still is an open relationship..
that is when, my friend an open relationship becomes a CLOSED one!"

ME: "i wont judge anyone going for this.but personally i dont believe in open relationships.i think its just an excuse to have your share of fun--be commitment free and guilt free too!"

S: "wait! we are missing the point..why update it as a relationship status?and can a person have more than one open-relationship at the same time??" (goes into a dream like state while we leave him behind and carry on the conversation)

T: "well i dunno what to say..atleast they are being honest about everything.so both parties are in the know! its their choice after all.its better than being cheated on isnt i?" (we had to agree that was a valid point)

and now last but not the least *drumrolls in the background*
what does "complicated relationship" mean?
R: "it means that the guy or girl is the most honest person in the world..all relationships at some point are complicated.and thats easy to believe.."

ME: "and not to forget if he is contemplating a breakup, it will get complicated in a while ..so again justified! and the last option, if he wants to prove a point to his sweetheart who does not believe him enough, then its soo TOTALLY complicated.so there!!"

S: "yeah, besides if he is single, that means he/she either has not found the right person or doesn't want to which again makes it kinda complicated."

T: "ohh and just in case he is married, its still easier..its definitely complicated after marriage!"

and just like that, four friends sitting in CCD one rainy afternoon, came to the perfect conclusion of the perfect relationship.
its kinda sad that they still stick to the universal more socially acceptable and comprehensible versions when it comes to their own profiles..
but deep down in their hearts they know that there is in reality, just one unanimous relationship status which sums them all---COMPLICATED!!

of life, hope and simple desires...

Desires---dont we all have some??
ofcourse we do...afterall 'salvation' is something far far away for us mere mortals isnt it??
our desires keep changing according to the various phases we are in and as per the myriad parts we play in life...

but often we take things for granted...like say normal day to day achievements without even stopping to think that these could be the unfulfilled desires of someone...
someone who you dont even know or perhaps never would...
someone who desires to perform the normal mundane tasks u do and maybe have even cribbed about just because its too routine and because u needed a change...

What if u never had the capacity to perform them? what if u had never been blessed with that potetial uve been overlooking and taking for granted all along?
To see the myriad colours of the rainbow...
to appreciate the beauty of which they all say...
to know what loved ones look like without having to feel them...
to understand what it means when people say 'u look wonderful today'...
thus are the simple desires of the blind!

to hear the various notes of music...
to listen to the chirpings of those beautiful birds...
to know what the first rains sound like....
to dream as ur love whispers those 3 words...
thus are the heartfelt desires of the deaf!

to sleep in the loving arms of a mother...
to argue with a screaming dad...
to play and fight alike with siblings...
these are the blessings that orphan kid never had...
thus are the longing desires of the alone!

to eat that candy the other kids are having...
without the fear of falling sick...
the chance to pamper that craving sweet tooth...
without the terror of that extra prick...
thus are the sweet desires of a juvenile diabetic!

to walk around without any support...
to stand tall and see what it feels...
not ever having to face those 'following' eyes,
of people around when they see u on wheels...
thus are the desires of the crippled!

and yet we all have our own desires...
though some may seem simple, while others profound...
but 'sans' desires, life would be nothin...
cos they are the threads by which our dreams are bound!

thus are the desires of people..of dreams..of life---thanks to which we are here today...
alive and hoping...
alive and dreaming...
alive and living....


PS: i had written this piece a long while ago and some of you might have already read it on my then-functional-blog "raindrops on roses"
but for some reason it triggered off a strange sense of nostalgia as i read it today and so i thought of reposting it here.
i apologise for the usage of harsh words like 'blind' , 'deaf' and 'crippled' instead of a more subtle 'challenged' or 'impaired'...but ive used them so that one does not ignore the intensity of the situation.
because no matter what they say, it still is a strong blow and a harsh world for those who have to face it!!

yum bake!!

..to a slightly more sorted out, less confusing and moderately sensitive life!!

so people spread the word and ohh just FYI, chocolates, candy, flowers ets are most welcome (just make sure there are no rotten eggs and tomatoes though)...so what are ya waiting for?? LETS CELEBRATE!!!!!!!!!! :D

thankyou thankyou!!

a song which will make u ponder long after u've heard it...

dekhiye toh lagta hain,
zindagi ki raahon mein,
ek bheed chalti hain...
if you go to see, u will perceive a huge crowd of ppl walking together on the road of life

sochiye toh lagta hain,
bheed mein hain sab tanha!
but if you go to think about it, you will notice that everyone is lonely even amidst the crowd

jitne bhi yeh rishte hain,
kaanch ke khilone hain,
pal mein toot sakte hain...
ek pal mein ho jaaye,
koi jaane kab tanha!!
relationships are made of glass...fragile as they are, they can break in a second..and before one can even notice, one is left all alone!

dekhiye toh lagta hain,
jaise yeh jo duniya hain,
kitni rangeen mehfil hain...
sochiye toh lagta hain,
kitne gham hain duniya mein,
kitna zakhmi har dil hain...
if u go to see, this world is one wonderful celebration..but if you go to think about it, you will notice that there is so much sadness in this world and that each heart is bleeding...

woh jo muskurate the,
jo kisi ko khwabon mein,
apne paas paate the,
unki neend tooti hain,
aur hain woh ab tanha!
there are people who used to smile and dream about spending their life with the one they loved. but their sleep has been broken and they are left all alone

dekhiye toh lagta hain,
zindagi ki raahon mein,
ek bheed chalti hain...
sochiye toh lagta hain,
bheed mein hain sab tanha!!
if you go to see, u will perceive a huge crowd of ppl walking together on the road of life..
but if you go to think about it, u will notice that everyone is lonely even amidst the crowd

of today and tomorrow...

what really decides our future?

is it the lines on our palms that determine the course of events waiting to happen?
OR
is it that thing called destiny which has already been written for us even before we were born?
OR
is it our hardwork and endurance that will reach us towards our destination?
OR
is it the blessings and goodwill of the people who genuinely care for us?
OR
is it 'karma' as they call it?
OR
is it consistency and perseverence?
OR
is it the right decisions taken at the right time?
OR
is it the submission in 'whatever happens happens'?
OR
is it doing our best and leaving the rest to HIM?
OR
is it the undying faith we have in a superior god above us?
OR
is it the confidence we have in ourselves?
OR
is it the holding on despite all the stress?
OR
is it the letting go before things change for the worse?

and then thinking about it, what is the future really?
arnt we all giving it too much thought when living one day at a time is actually all we are capable of doing??

time and again im swept into this whirlpool of thoughts to which there is no definite conclusion.
soo many questions....too much confusion...some decisions left pending....a few deliberately pushed onto tomorrow...and yet we find ourselves still going on---all in the hope that maybe some tomorrow will bring us all the answers...

till then let us keep aside the questions and try to live our today the best way we possibly can.

cheers!!

random thoughts....

Was thinking about emotions today--how they justify themselves and keep taking over all logic from time to time..
infact was thinking about reality too---how it keeps making an appearance time and again but waits only for the end to impart its strongest blow...
and then my thoughts proceeded to US--you, me..humans who keep ignoring reality and continue to succumb to emotions knowing that they have the capacity to engulf us someday if we allow them to gain control...

thinking along these tangents brought me to a conclusion that it is perhaps only when you allow yourself to drown completely and totally in any emotion, that you get blessed with the potential to realise what it really means to you and what you really mean to it!!

and then again, emotions are like those winged birds which only become more beautiful and happy when allowed to fly freely..you cant clip their wings in the fear of losing them...neither can you cage them to keep them safe..they'll only end up feeling claustrophobic.
they are supposed to be set free..
if they return to you unguided and unchanged--thats when you know they are there to stay!
Being able to let go of your feelings is a true blessing and blessed is the soul who succeeds at letting go of his emotions because it is only after one has given his 100% to them, that he is able to do so, having being lucky enough to have experienced them totally and completely..
until that time you ignore this blessing and keep holding on to your emotions even though you know they can turn strong enough to blur out your reality..
being human, you tend to get selfish..
most of the times you realise, and yet you dont want to realise...
you tend to go in denial and keep believing only what you want to believe...
that is precisely when the boon of realisation becomes the bane of insecurity..


and eventually one fine day, a small subtle realisation comes knocking at your doorstep and that familiar stranger called reality peeks in yet again..
frightened, you shut the doors and windows tight so that it does not enter..but it keeps knocking untill you can no longer bear the deafening sound which has suddenly grown loud enough to threaten your very existence...

"why the hell have u come here??" you scream as u fling the door open..
"to help u deal with the truth" comes the stone cold reply..

flustered with rage at that response, you ask "ya right!! and where were you all this while?"

maintaining the calm it always had, reality answers---
"i was always there--making my presence felt from time to time..it was YOU who kept ignoring me!!"

the notebook called life!!

Life is a notebook handed over to us the day we are born..
we are allowed to record our moments..
we are allowed to turn the pages as fast or as slow as we want to..
we are allowed to pour out our heart on the empty white sheets.
we are allowed to sketch our dreams in all their myriad colours.

sometimes, it also permits us to staple together those pages we do not ever want to read again...
but human as we are, we tend to go back at times...life allows even that-we can carefully remove the staples to have a quick peep once in a while..this does include the risk of tearing the edges a little, but if we are careful enough, we can prevent the damage.
afterall thats how we introspect dont we---by removing the staples??!!

life is a notebook and what we write in it is for us to decide...
but one thing is pre-decided---we arnt allowed to write in pencil..because words in pencil fade away..scribbles in pencil can be rubbed off when wanted.
but life--it only allows us to write in dark ink.
we can never really wipe off what we have once written.nor can we expect it to fade..
yes, we can ignore it if we want but its right there..its almost always a 'you can run but u cant hide' scenario!
ripping off pages is also futile because eventually that will only end up loosening the binding which will cause all the pages to scatter.

life is a notebook and our job is to make notes along the way...
notes which will guide us in writing the subsequent pages..
words which will bring back memories as we flip the pages open...
some chapters we manage to close yet not complete..
some scribbles which are too incomprehensible for anyone to read..
some poetry which the eye is not able to understand yet the heart is able to recite..
some experiences which we wouldn't trade for even a thousand brand new books...
yes there would be moments of hurt, pain, let down expectations, unfulfilled dreams, pent up hatred, which definitely would bring a tear to the eye.
but as we turn the pages we would realise, how those experiences made us stronger..how we emerged a winner against them..how we welcomed happiness even after we thought we never could..and most importantly how we learnt to dream all over again.
and afterall what is life without a few challenges and what is success without a few failures? of what use is a notebook if we werent allowed to write in it?? the sheer magic of life is in its unpredictability..it does not allow u to have any clue today, what tomorrows page would be like---tear stained, joy filled, stapled, enthusiastic or blank!!

life is a note book, one which is very private and personal..one which only the owner is supposed to read and write into..but as we fill in the pages with details of our mundane life, we sometimes come across that special someone who we can trust enough to hand over the book..someone who we know will treasure it more than we do...someone we can put our whole life at stake for..someone who teaches us the true meaning of love and trust..and that is the time we start writing through someone else's words..
we dream through someone else's dreams...
we see through someone else's eyes...
we live another life in addition to our own...
that is when we stop writing and that thing called 'love' takes over filling in all the details by itsself.

life is a notebook--one which will destroy itsself when it comes to the last page.
but the pages written by love will still remain, flying free knowing no bounds, speaking of the bond that is immortal thus bringing about a strange sorta satisfaction...
a satisfaction that we made it even through the end!!

of lucid dreams and a stubborn reality

gazing aimlessly at the star studded sky,
i connect the silver dots to form a pattern...
and all i can see up there is,
a little less of you and me,
and a little more of us!!

wondering how it could have been,
trying to ignore what should have been...
i find myself struggling to focus on reality,
but all in vain, i slip into an abyss of endless dreams,
only to wake up again and remind myself,
that life is, what it has always been,
a little more of you and me,
and a little less of us!!

a picture speaks a thousand words!!

BOOOOO HOOOOOO!!!!! :( :(

my my, how can i resist you??..sigh!

some people just cannot afford to have the luxury of dwelling too long in any emotion be it happiness or sadness..
they just have to snap themselves out off the trance every single damned time and keep going even at the risk of being labelled a manic-depressive dramaqueen!! (bite your tongue, i can mindread--thats what some of you just called me dint you?? *shoots an angry glance*)


anyhoo i hereby quote the original lines from 'American Beauty'---

I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst...
And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude.. for every single moment.. of my stupid little life...
You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you will someday.

and by the by, in case u havent noticed, all this just goes to say that im BACKKKKKKKK!!! ;)

so here's to blogsville and all you wonderful folks out here...
cheers!! :)

why??!!

there are some promises which will never be broken
there are some questions which will never be asked
there is an unsettling silence which will keep creeping up
there is a distance which will keep growing
.
...
.......
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and yet, there is a hope that some stories might perhaps complete themselves...in another time...in another world!!

the devils workshop goes creative!!

i accidently came across this video on youtube.
have u ever heard this song??

i am clueless about what prompted these lyrics...i guess the guy writing them was hungry and had to meet a deadline and the poor thing just couldnt distract himself off the food...
and then again, guess "lurrve" in hindi cinema goes with almost everything---even 'batatawada' :p

yenjoy!!
(i wonder if the choreographer was inspired by 'betal' from 'vikram and betal' for some of the moves in this song...chk it out--ul'l get to know what i mean!)


now that uve heard and seen the video, please humour me and sing aloud my inspired composition maintaining the original looney tune of the song.ok? u can even dance the betaal step if u want! *angelic smile*

(starts with combination of nagiin dance+classical)
"batatawada heyy, batatawadaaaaa
ketchup nahi lenaaa tha, lenaaaa padaaaa
oh oh oh oh
batatawada batatawada!!

batatawada,heyyy, batatawada, hoyee
churan nahi khaaana thaa, khanaa pada..
ahaha ahaha
batatawada batatawada!!

(now the much awaited 'betaal' step..try from a table top---go!)
hote the jo hosh mein hum,
aise na hum yoon khatee..hoyee
accha yaheen tha pehle,
hum iske paas naa aatee

ab ise na khaana hain, mushkil bada
ahahhhhhh
batata wada heyy, batata wada!!
ketchup nahi lena thaa, lenaa padaaa..
batata wadaa dadada
batata wadaaa!!

lagta hain bhooke pet ke armaan nikal gaye,
kaisi hain acidity hum jisme jal gaye...
laa jaldi ENO' kaa, glass badaaaaaa
batata wada, heyy, batataa wadaaa!!
ENO nahi peena thaaaha, peena padaa...
batata wadaa, oh ho oh hoo..batatawada!!

(now with anil kapoor beating the dholak like a mad man and madhuri dancing like a drunk woman)
masti mein health ki kashti jaaye na doob apni,
tu ek paar utre, insurance hain khoob apni..
tu aise hi paka lena, main khaunga khana sadaaaa
batatawada batatawadaaaa!!

batatawada batatawada hahaha
batatawada batatawada heehehehhe
ketchup nahi lena tha, lenaaa padaa
batatawada batatawada!!"


i'd make a better lyricist dontya think? huh? huh?

ok so have the neighbours gathered yet?? *rubs hands in glee*

whatttt!!!! no?? u mean u dint sing aloud? hmpfffffff!! :-/
nobody has respect for my talent feelings i tellya!
*goes away sobbing*

of unrequited love and falling out!!

can a person fall out of love??

i was speaking to a friend yesterday about this and according to him, if a person falls out of love, it probably never was 'love' in the first place...

that statement of his got me wondering...
he further said that its more of a crush or an infatuation if u fall 'out' of it...
thinking about it, i dont quite agree...

in my honest opinion, no relationship can work if one-sided..ofcourse there is this strong feeling of unconditional love that u justify urself with..but somewhere down the line it tends to wear off and then things either turn ugly or just simplify themselves.
lemme explain my point---consider a situation between 'A' and 'B' ...now if 'A' has feelings for 'B' but 'B' does not have any feelings for 'A' then what 'A' feels for 'B' is also love (according to universal definitions--though the small voice within me is nudging me to add that love is supposed to be a set involving TWO ppl with the SAME feelings for each other).
but going by universal definitions, when 'A' is in love with 'B' but 'B' isnt, then the question is how long can 'A' stay in love with 'B'??

ok this again depends on how 'B' is towards 'A' but clearly if 'B' does not love 'A' who inturn is in love with 'B' then it only means he/she will start expecting 'B' to react in certain ways which 'B' wouldent understand..and then there will arise confusion..chaos..dissatisfaction!!
and eventually 'A' will realise that relationships work best only when balanced and clearly this is not the case and slowly but surely start falling out of love with 'B'

is it fair to say that 'A' was never in love with 'B' and that it was just a crush?
isnt it unfair for feelings to remain just the same even when they are not reciprocated?
i strongly feel that it is but natural to fall out of love when it is not reciprocated and yes i also feel that it is only fair to realise and not be the fool or in some cases the psycho in the relationship (if you can call it one).
at the same time, i wudent belittle the feelings 'A' had for 'B' to begin with, by saying its just a crush which passed away..neither would i dismiss it off as an 'ego matter'.
i would simply call it 'falling out of love'!! :)

ok now coming to the only other situation that can arise---consider a different situation with a different 'A and 'B'...wherein 'A' and 'B' are in love to begin with and gradually 'A' realises one fine day, that he/she isnt in love anymore.he has fallen out of it...now what should 'B' do?
i say "nothing".dont try too hard to fall out of love because eventually it will happen.it may take days, weeks, months or maybe years.that clearly depends on how many fairytales and chickflicks uve seen and believed in as a juvenile.
but soon enough ul be right there and just like u did when u bumped into love, u will just know when u fall right out of it!!

practical or cold hearted as it may sound, i think it is humanly not possible to keep loving someone when he/she clearly does not feel the same about you...because somewhere down the line, when things get bitter or cold, there are no memories to lean back on--there is no love to depend on..
instead there are moments of hurt which keep coming back to you.
moments of unreciprocated feelings..
moments of misunderstandings..
moments of let down expectations..
and apparently and ironically thats when things appear crystal clear!!

ofcourse again you are left with a choice---u either face it and allow yourself to fall out of love (its easy--you just gotta keep your eyes and ears open..but its also not that easy because u gotta keep your heart closed as well to the many reality checks u have to keep inflicting upon yourself at the cost of some self-humiliation over and over again plus the fact that crushing those rose coloured glasses love makes u wear is kinda painful as well) or as the only other option goes, stay in love, bask in the feeling as long as it lasts, build castles in the air, day dream about happy endings and eventually cry with the broken pieces once the one-sided fairytale is formerly over!

I agree falling out of love is never easy but at times it is very much needed.
sometimes just like falling in love, it catches u by surprise and one fine day u realise u are not in love with that person anymore...
but sometimes u just gotta try and try and try to wake up---just like beating yourself with a hammer til that part of u grows numb only so that when u eventually stop, it'l feel good...

all said and done, there are people for whom falling out of love is just as easy as falling into it..
but there are also those 'i-will-believe-what-i-want-to-believe' dreamers who just need that extra shove from reality!!

A mighty pain to love it is,
And 'tis a pain that pain to miss;
But of all pains, the greatest pain
It is to love, but love in vain.
---Abraham Cowley

peace to all!
cheers..