the story within...

there is a story in everyone of us...

some are locked never to be opened
some are merely ignored
some are afraid of biased reactions
some shy away from the crowd
some are scared of rejection
some are happy with their clandestine existence
some revel in their privacy
some want to be forgotten
some dont dare to reveal themselves
some too painful to be remembered
some too selfish to be shared
some just prefer to play 'hide and seek'
some wait for the right person to 'tag'

and then there are those stories which are free flowing,

like the breeze which runs through your hair on a windy afternoon..
like the tears which trickle down your cheeks when you are sad...
like the chill which sends shivers down your spine on hearing something scary...
like the cheer in your voice when you are pleased with yourself...
like the rush of happiness you feel when you hug someone you love...
like the pangs of seperation you cant express when you are missing someone special...
like the familiar feeling knocking on your heart when you experience de'ja vu...
like the cherished memories which still visit you from time to time...
like the thoughts which keep you awake even at the end of a long tiring day...
like the experience which transports you back into time when it 'used to be'...
like the dreams which still flash before your eyes when your sleeping...
like the hopes which are long since gone but still not dead...

These stories run freely without any expectation of applause or accolades.
they mingle with the air leaving their beautiful scent wherever they go...
they neither want to be explained nor interpreted..
neither want to questioned nor probed...
neither want to be labelled as facts nor termed as fiction...

Sometimes they are accused of confusing the world..but they doesn't stop them!
"How can someone who is already so confused be confused any further?" is all they ask and dissapear knowing that staying there would only kill them slowly and silently..

they are sometimes labelled complicated..thats when they gracefully accept the designated status and leave with mixed feelings of hurt and regret in search of someone who would probably be simple enough only to understand them..
to understand them---as those who try to live despite the thousand odds...as those who wish to fight every demon who comes their way...as those who want to smile even when they are bruised and hurting..

and more importantly as those who are not meant to be ignored or suppressed out of fear or shame from the rest of the world but rather as those who were born to run free and wild without a single care of the rest of the world!!

its true---there is a story in everyone of us....

ignored!!

Reality came knocking on my door again,

but this time i slid beneath the bed covers, took the blanket over my head and pretended to sleep--hoping to escape...

When i eventually opened the door after being convinced that it had gone away, i could not help but smile at the irony.
There was a note lying at my doorstep.
with trembling hands, i opened the envelope and read the note aloud to myself as the deep seated void in me continued to grow with every word.
remember how you always complained that all i do is dissapoint you everytime i come to meet?
just wanted to let you know that i had come visiting again today...

but this time i had brought along with me a long lost friend..........'happiness'!

virtual khetibadi

1 pink cottage
1 grain silo
2 dairy farms
1 chicken coop
1 tool shed
1 small pond
1 mailbox
1 picnic set
1 red gazing ball
1 well
1 rest tent
1 fruitstand
1 axe and block
1 wheelbarrow
2 haystacks
1 barrel and butter churner
1 white jack-o-lantern
1 water pump
7 white sheep
8 pigs
10 rabbits
4 goats
6 horses
6 ducks (including 1 ugly duckling on whom i have high hopes)
4 cows including 1 bovine-09 cow (from outer space) i had most enthusiastically bought
3 bird baths
2 cherry trees
2 avocado trees
6 passionfruit trees
4 grapefruit trees
7 date trees
7 apricot trees
2 lime trees
4 fig trees
6 banana trees
1 red maple tree
1 apple tree
2 orange trees
1 lemon tree
1 harvest table
15 awesome neighbours to compete with

and last but not the least the enthusiasm to buy more, plough more, sow more and harvest more and more....the only reason why urs truly has not yet quit accessing facebook---"FARMVILLE"!! :D

UPDATED (15th november 09)---dont ask me what happened (take it as just another bout of un predictability).
I QUIT FACEBOOK.
guess farmville wasn't reason strong enough to stay there afterall!

the treasure called nostalgia

a treasure trunk opened with a heavy feeling...
some lovely memories neatly folded and stored...
a huge metal lock to safeguard it forever...
the key put in a sleek little casket...
the casket placed in a small wooden box...
the wooden box kept in a huge combination vault...
..
......
.........
............
.................
.......................
.............................
the combination conciously forgotten...
.............................
.......................
.................
...........
........
....
..
and yet, stolen glances at the trunk from time to time...........

LIFE!!

'Richard Cory'--by E.A. Robinson

Whenever Richard Cory went down town,
We people on the pavement looked at him:
He was a gentleman from sole to crown,
Clean-favoured and imperially slim.

And he was always quietly arrayed,
And he was always human when he talked;
But still he fluttered pulses when he said,
"Good Morning!" and he glittered when he walked.

And he was rich, yes, richer than a king,
And admirably schooled in every grace:
In fine -- we thought that he was everything
To make us wish that we were in his place.

So on we worked and waited for the light,
And went without the meat and cursed the bread,
And Richard Cory, one calm summer night,
Went home and put a bullet in his head.

---Edwin Arlington Robinson

of first impressions going drastically wrong...

I need to realise that first impressions are not always the last impressions.
i was being stubborn all this while..
was adamant into believing what i wanted to believe.
someone commented on here with an anonymous handle and when i got to know who it was, i was alarmed, irritated and angry.
later he confessed he had planned to fib his way into knowing me better when the truth was he did know me a little already..
now one thing i cant stand is betrayal of trust however small it may be!
so without a second thought, my mind immediately labelled him a 'liar'!!
but apparently this 'liar' told me he cared which i thought was just a futile attempt to justify his comments and anonymous emails.
so without a moments delay my brain registered all pieces of evidence as against him and labelled him 'liar in denial' (so much so as i try not to judge people, i did judge him a little in a fit of anger)
i avoided him.
i shunned him..
i ignored him
i detested him..

to cut the long story short, i closed my mind to what he had to say.
but yesterday, something happened just out of the blues which kinda compelled me to listen to what he had to say..
and when i heard him out, i was taken aback.
amidst a million apologies, he explained why he went ahead and created that anonymous aura and accepted that even though it doesn't completely justify what he had done, he was feeling hell guilty about it and would have come out in the open soon enough had i not confronted him about it.
and then again, im happy we shed the awkwardness in between and spoke about it...because talking always helps sort out misunderstandings--and so it did!

im glad my first impression wasn't the last one---because in a strange uncanny sorta way, this time i think it just might have earned me a life-long friendship.

i guess all's well that ends well! :)

A long time ago, i wished upon a shooting star
to give you all the happiness in the whole wide world...
to make your every dream come true....
to bless you with the peace of mind you truly deserve...
to bring you a million smiles along the way...
to adorn your life with a thousand rainbows...
to help you find the pot of gold at the end of each...
to show you the right path at every step...
to help you reach all your goals and aspirations...
to see to it that you never break even under the strongest of pressures..
to give you strength to put up a strong fight with fate and emerge victorious...
to shower you with the love of the one you truly love...
to keep you safe from all evils...
to help you regain the faith in miracles you seemed to have lost...
to bless you with the determination to reach new heights...
to send good luck knocking on your door in your every endeavour...
to relieve you from the troubles that weigh your mind...

and just then as all the other stars in the sky twinkled in approval, that falling star promised me my wish would be granted.

Today i am still waiting for it to fulfill its promise..someone told me shooting stars never lie!

emotions

a little too tough to resist...
a little too painful to bear...
a little too obvious to hide...
a little too private to share...

a little too magical to believe...
a little too quick to catch...
a little too distant to reach...
a little too different to match...

a little too ambiguous to comprehend...
a little too freeflowing to stay bound...
a little too hopeful to let go...
a little too elusive to be found...

a little too dreamy to be real...
a little too true to be fake...
a little too sensitive to the spoken word...
yet a little too strong for the world to shake...

a little too selfish to live sans expectations...
a little too human no hopes to build...
a little too many lie suppressed unspoken...
and a little too much in us gets killed!!

a google discovery

I dont know how far this is true.
but i think i believe in it!!

some thoughts--JLT!

"when will u learn to expect what u cant imagine will happen??"

this is what 'the messiahs handbook' said to me today...
it did make me think a bit :-/

will i ever learn to expect the unexpected?? sounds weird dosent it...because if we expect the 'unexpected' then it wouldent even be 'unexpected' anymore.
but on second thoughts,
will i ever learn to expect what i would hate to want to happen??
and even if i do,will i ever be okay with it?

are we okay with everything happening around us?
no..yet there are things which cant be helped arnt there...and we are accepting that...
so dont u think we all are living a compromised existence?
life is somewhat a game and we gotta play according to the rules...but who sets the rules??
Why is a divorced person expected to reduce his/her standards or compromise with someone who woldent be a choice had he/she been single??

why do people sneer at the concept of 'soul mates' and joke about you living in an utopian world if u say u are waiting for 'the one'??

why does society drive u up the wall to make decisions which would least affect them and why are they soo curious about ur life??

it scares me sometimes...the thought of me succumbing to pressures and maybe helping someone take the wrong decisions or worse still taking some wrong decisions myself...
its strange..its funny ...its weird...and sometimes its really frustrating!!
no matter how much we try to think for ourselves,there are times when people around u make u think exactly how they want u to...and when u still refuse, they throw at u the exact same question 'the book' managed to throw at me today...
or to make it even worse they wont ask...they'll just tell you that you will never learn!!

and all you want to do is tell them to back off...!
yet the most you can do is smile and let it pass you off...
dammit! i hate to think i can be sucha hypocrite at times!!

just for the heck of it, i flipped open the book once again and to my greatest surprise,this is what it read!! (this HAS to be a coincidence...or its kida eerie!eep!!)

theres a reason you chose whats happening around you...
hang on!
live ur way through the best you know and in a bit you will find out why

its amazing how this book can make me frown and smile in a matter of 10 minutes...
its true,life has questions...
but guess it also has answers... :)



cheers!!