X for '(e)X-factor'

Relationships are complicated, and even more complicated than them are break-ups. We all have had at least one person for whom we have suffered through the anger-despair-regret cycle, for whom we have sat on the bathroom floor crying buckets, devoured dollops of empty calories from ice cream tubs, binge watched movies and emptied boxes of Kleenex.
It is true that getting over a relationship is an arduous process, and drains you out emotionally especially when you see your ex moving on at break neck speed. That is when the  reality of the situation strikes you the hardest. You know you need to move on but feel you will never be able to. But like they say, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

So for all you broken-hearted people, who, right now, just need that one person who can assure them they are going to survive the pain they are feeling, this one's for you. The fact that you have stumbled upon this page, and are reading this post which I have no clue why I got about writing is proof enough that it's all happening for good reason. Maybe this is exactly how it's supposed to work.

Anyway, let's not digress too much. We got work to do. Long story short, here are some tips collated from the experts and their break-up experiences which promise to help speed up recovery.

So buckle up, and put that smile back on your face. It's time to axe your eX.

1. First and foremost, accept that the relationship has run its course. Every relationship comes with a shelf life, after which it starts to lose its flavour. The chinks in the armour begin to show, the flowers seem to  wither, and the stars don't twinkle as bright as before. It's rather tough to detect these changes because human as we are, we keep convincing ourselves that it's just a speed breaker and not a road block. But deep within, we know when it's really over. Accepting a drastic change like that is difficult. But it's no use holding on when it's time to let go.

2. A common mistake we tend to do after breakups is hurry. We do not give ourselves enough time to bleed. You must realise that healing is a gradual process. Finding a rebound will only provide a temporary emotional crutch before things get messy again. Take your time out. Bleeding wounds if bandaged prematurely will only soak the bandage. Grieving over a dead relationship is alright. Don't be too hard on yourself. Cry a river. Then build a bridge and cross it.

3. Concentrate on your career. Invest in your passion. Learn a new language. Paint, write, sing. Pursue a hobby to the hilt. A better future involves all this and so much more. If you meet love on the way, welcome it. But don't forget, it's just a pit stop. The journey is long and wonderful. This time, don't settle for less than a love that agrees to go the entire nine yards with you.

4. If you've had an ugly breakup, the best thing to do is end all communication. Go cold turkey. Block messages. Ignore calls if any. There is no point in playing blame games or mud slinging. If you cannot be courteous about it, a clean finish is the dignified way to end a relationship.

5. Spend time with people you have been neglecting, friends who won't venture into 'curious' territory and still make sure you are having a good time. Step out more often. Make the trip you always wanted. However, try and keep away from places where you are likely to bump into each other.

6. Ice cream always helps. But watch those calories. Remember once you start feeling better, you wouldn't want those extra inches around your waist to be cause for misery again.

7. Jive, Salsa, Zumba---participate in some high energy activity.

8. Kill the green monster. Don't stalk him/her on Facebook to check out who he is hanging out with, who has tagged him in pics, or what he is up to. It's only going to get you jealous for no reason. Moving on takes time. Don't impede the process.

9. Love yourself before anyone else again. Because in the end, it's only self-love that proves to be the strongest.

10. Make art . You are in this world for a reason and as much as you'd want to believe that the reason is love, it isn't. In the famous words of Carrie Fischer, "Take your broken heart, and make it into art.

11. Olx.com (Sell off all the stuff that reminds you of him.

12. When in doubt, read. A good book is guaranteed to open up a whole new universe and show you how inconsequential your heartbreak is. Err...just make sure you keep away from the romance novels in the first few weeks.

13. Work out. Get into shape. Lose that extra flab you have gained by gorging on those ice cream tubs. It's time to fit right back into your favourite outfits. Let him eat his heart out when he sees you next. And when that happens, make sure you don't go back. Remember all the reasons you guys broke up for/over. Remember that they aren't going anywhere. They will be right there where you left them.

14. Now that you have read this list, it's time to focus on acting on it. Just like you won't find the same love twice, every break-up is also unique in its own way. Make your own rules. Find out which of these suggestions work for you, and pass it forward. There is always a heart breaking somewhere around you. You aren't alone in this.

Yes, we've all been there at some point, watched our hearts cracking open, witnessed/experienced the waterworks, cursed, ranted, raved, and sworn off love. But a few years down the line, it no longer seems as significant as it did once. Why?
Because we live only once. We are not coming back this way again. So why cause ourselves unnecessary pain and agony? There are more things to life than seemingly torrid short-lived love affairs. But it's hard to realise that when you are nineteen, right? Hell! It's hard to understand that even in your thirties or forties or fifties at times. But trust me on this, nothing in the whole wide world is worth the misery we are capable of bringing upon ourselves.
So cheer up and save that spark. The fire will burn again. Trust the magic of new beginnings.

Until then, keep smiling.
And
Peace out!

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X for '(e)X-factor' is the twenty-fourth post in the 'A-Z Series' of posts, a chain of scribbles by me on topics starting with each alphabet of the English language. Read back and forth for the other posts, and please feel free to contribute your thoughts on the subject.